Friday, October 31, 2008
I can breathe again
Deleting my old blog was one of the hardest things I've had to do recently; in my personal life at least. It was three years of my life - the good, the bad, the ugly, the insane....EVERYTHING.
And now it's gone. :(
It took a couple of tries before I could actually click the delete button and then a few more times before I could click the "are you sure?" button that appears. But I did it. And a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Things had gotten ridiculously complicated. I was driving myself crazy with the different blogs and I'm sure I was also driving all of my friends crazy. But no more.
I have a fresh start; a new beginning for a new life. A new life is what I've had since I left my old job for this new company. I've been given a once in a lifetime opportunity; an opportunity to create and build something great. These past few months have not been easy, aside the turmoil it's created in my personal life, I've had to face many challenges I never thought possible.
I am stressed beyond belief, but it's all so thrilling. I completed my first project with my new system. Granted, it was a very small test project that the client isn't paying for at all, but it was very real nonetheless. And now, I'm gearing up for my first major project; one we will be billing the client for. I'm hella freaked and terrified, and yet, I can't wait. :)
I think it helps a little that I have this HUGE crush on one of the system developers. ;-) It just sorta grew on me. I always thought he was cute, but it was never any more than that, especially because he usually frustrated the heck out of me. Above all, he annoyed me. I always felt like he wasn't listening to what I said or wanted. He argued with me. We butted heads a lot. And really, that's what did it, no? He didn't just go with what I wanted because I was the client. He thought about things and would say "no, that's not going to work."
He has no problem arguing with me and saying he's not going to ask me something when he knows I don't know the answer. My response to that - how do you know I don't know the answer? His response - because you don't. Excuse me?!? But that's just it, that's why I find myself dressing cute when I'm going to see him and doing my hair for him, why I'm crushing big time - he challenges me. He doesn't just roll over and go with "the client's always right" motto. He'll fight me to the death if he needs to, but I'll fight too and when I win and he turns out to be right and I have to go back to him and tell him he was right, he relishes saying I told you so, even though he doesn't really say it, but that grin on his face says it for him. But, of course, how stubborn am I? Even then I won't back down and he'll just continue arguing with me.
Last Friday we even got into it in Spanish. Yes, he's Latino. Shocking, huh? I keep falling for the Latino's considering I've always said I wanted to marry a white guy.
When we work one on one, we get along great. We really understand one another and click. When we're with everyone else, well, that's when he annoys me the most. He's not good in front of a group. He's very logical, which is annoying sometimes, and demands examples a lot. Or will ask, "how many checkers complained" when I tell him to change something because there were complaints.
We're slowly getting to know one another on a personal level. I think I understand him better now and don't get as annoyed anymore. We've been putting a lot of effort into making sure we're on the same page and completely agree. Not only that, though, we're getting to know each other on a personal level, our likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, I'm still not sure how old he is. He's around my age, but a little older I think; somewhere between 30-35.
My boss seems to think he has a thing for me. She says he looks and speaks to me differently. It also doesn't help that when we work together, we end up spending a lot of time together. Last Friday, I spent three and a half hours with him after our regular two hour meeting considering we were only supposed to take about an hour. Same thing today; a planned hour turned into just over 2, plus lunch. It's such a tricky situation, though, because of the whole client-vendor dynamic and has the potential to go awfully bad very quickly.
Besides, I think my boss is on crack when she says he has a thing for me. I've given him two opportunities and nothing. Twice, I've worn some really cute outfits that emphasize certain assets and nothing; absolutely no reaction from him. Like I said, it's a tricky situation, but it's been a nice distraction. It's helped me get through some of this work stress and that's a very good thing. ;-)
And now it's gone. :(
It took a couple of tries before I could actually click the delete button and then a few more times before I could click the "are you sure?" button that appears. But I did it. And a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Things had gotten ridiculously complicated. I was driving myself crazy with the different blogs and I'm sure I was also driving all of my friends crazy. But no more.
I have a fresh start; a new beginning for a new life. A new life is what I've had since I left my old job for this new company. I've been given a once in a lifetime opportunity; an opportunity to create and build something great. These past few months have not been easy, aside the turmoil it's created in my personal life, I've had to face many challenges I never thought possible.
I am stressed beyond belief, but it's all so thrilling. I completed my first project with my new system. Granted, it was a very small test project that the client isn't paying for at all, but it was very real nonetheless. And now, I'm gearing up for my first major project; one we will be billing the client for. I'm hella freaked and terrified, and yet, I can't wait. :)
I think it helps a little that I have this HUGE crush on one of the system developers. ;-) It just sorta grew on me. I always thought he was cute, but it was never any more than that, especially because he usually frustrated the heck out of me. Above all, he annoyed me. I always felt like he wasn't listening to what I said or wanted. He argued with me. We butted heads a lot. And really, that's what did it, no? He didn't just go with what I wanted because I was the client. He thought about things and would say "no, that's not going to work."
He has no problem arguing with me and saying he's not going to ask me something when he knows I don't know the answer. My response to that - how do you know I don't know the answer? His response - because you don't. Excuse me?!? But that's just it, that's why I find myself dressing cute when I'm going to see him and doing my hair for him, why I'm crushing big time - he challenges me. He doesn't just roll over and go with "the client's always right" motto. He'll fight me to the death if he needs to, but I'll fight too and when I win and he turns out to be right and I have to go back to him and tell him he was right, he relishes saying I told you so, even though he doesn't really say it, but that grin on his face says it for him. But, of course, how stubborn am I? Even then I won't back down and he'll just continue arguing with me.
Last Friday we even got into it in Spanish. Yes, he's Latino. Shocking, huh? I keep falling for the Latino's considering I've always said I wanted to marry a white guy.
When we work one on one, we get along great. We really understand one another and click. When we're with everyone else, well, that's when he annoys me the most. He's not good in front of a group. He's very logical, which is annoying sometimes, and demands examples a lot. Or will ask, "how many checkers complained" when I tell him to change something because there were complaints.
We're slowly getting to know one another on a personal level. I think I understand him better now and don't get as annoyed anymore. We've been putting a lot of effort into making sure we're on the same page and completely agree. Not only that, though, we're getting to know each other on a personal level, our likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, I'm still not sure how old he is. He's around my age, but a little older I think; somewhere between 30-35.
My boss seems to think he has a thing for me. She says he looks and speaks to me differently. It also doesn't help that when we work together, we end up spending a lot of time together. Last Friday, I spent three and a half hours with him after our regular two hour meeting considering we were only supposed to take about an hour. Same thing today; a planned hour turned into just over 2, plus lunch. It's such a tricky situation, though, because of the whole client-vendor dynamic and has the potential to go awfully bad very quickly.
Besides, I think my boss is on crack when she says he has a thing for me. I've given him two opportunities and nothing. Twice, I've worn some really cute outfits that emphasize certain assets and nothing; absolutely no reaction from him. Like I said, it's a tricky situation, but it's been a nice distraction. It's helped me get through some of this work stress and that's a very good thing. ;-)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, August 28, 2006
Let me go
His
kiss, his touch
seared in my mind
the way he looked at me; gently held me
the way he laced his fingers in my hair; holding it up, away from my face
The feel of his hands
on my shoulders
seared in my mind
the way he looked at me; gently held me
the way he laced his fingers in my hair; holding it up, away from my face
The feel of his hands
on my shoulders
caressing
my arms, my chest, my back
And when he was inside me
there was the sweetest of pains
stretching to take him in, completely in
When he was gone
there was nothing I could do to stop the tears
our last kiss burned on my lips
Let me go
physically
emotionally
let me go
his last words to me
One night is all we had
one night of love and pain
if I could lose myself I would
as there's no greater pain than that of a
heart breaking
And when he was inside me
there was the sweetest of pains
stretching to take him in, completely in
When he was gone
there was nothing I could do to stop the tears
our last kiss burned on my lips
Let me go
physically
emotionally
let me go
his last words to me
One night is all we had
one night of love and pain
if I could lose myself I would
as there's no greater pain than that of a
heart breaking
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