Unclear

Not sure what I'm feeling right now, but I don't like it. I'm all jumbled up. Maybe I should go to sleep and hope it helps to clear things up. And then, maybe I can write about it and surely that will help.

2011 is my year

According to my horoscope on Yahoo!, 2011 is going to bring money and love. I feel it in my bones that this year is going to be a great year. Even if the first week was shitty, but hey, it'll start turning around for me in a couple of months. :)

Overview
2011 is all about showing Virgo the money. Being the bona fide workaholic of the zodiac, you have certainly earned your right to demand the six figures through long hours and heaps of your own blood, sweat and tears over the past several years. And you've certainly suffered enough losses and endured enough tests of faith in the financial department to prove your substance. As much as you get off on the occasional masochistic work jag, you can't help but wonder when things are going to get easier. Well hang tight Virgin, because the bonus you so desperately need and deserve should arrive between March and June of 2011. A major conglomeration of fiery planets activates your sector of other people's money, including the luckiest planet of them all -- Jupiter. If that doesn't bring some kind of windfall, loan or access to a serious line of credit you're going about your business all kinds of wrong.

You're also getting ready to shed some serious skin starting this March. With Uranus, the change god joining forces with Jupiter in your sector of psychological change: you're preparing to face some serious skeletons in your psychic closet. Rather than applying your brilliant yet critical mind in assessing other people's shortcomings, you're ready to confront your own strengths and weaknesses on a new level. This year favors the clean slate approach to all matters of self-help, renewal and transformation of your personality. You're leaving many aspects of your old self behind in order to become a better and more authentic version of who you really are.

Romantic
Your love life is beyond rich and transformational again this year. After enduring a prolonged deprivation spell (*tell me about it!), where true love seemed like something that only happened to other people, your turn for real love has arrived. Chances are you're already in the midst of a very soulful tryst that began last year. But if you happen to be one of the remaining diehard hermits, get ready to experience one of the most intense romantic encounters of your lifetime. Your birthday season tops the charts in garnishing romance and pleasure, so be sure to take some time off to properly enjoy the amorous gifts of Venus.

You've got two powerful planetary energies working to make your love life the stuff movies and dreams are made of (and for the long haul.) Neptune, the planet of dreams and soulful experience will take up residence in your relationship sector this April to bring you a preview of what's to come for the next fourteen years in radically spiritualizing your relationships. And then Pluto, the god of the underworld continues the excavation begun in 2008 in your romance sector. Over the next 14 years you can count on Pluto to bring unparalleled intensity and reveal hidden aspects of your self through the vehicle of romance. Nothing light or frivolous anymore when it comes to love, Virgo. If it's not a soul connection that will transform every fiber of your being, you'll quickly lose interest.

2011

I started out the year at Disneyland. I had originally wanted to go on New Year's Eve, but Uni and SadRomeo had previous engagements and everyone kept saying how crazy crowded Disneyland is on New Year's Eve, so New Year's Day it was. It was cold, but not too crowded, so the lines weren't very long to get on the rides. In the evening, I got soaked on Pirates of the Caribbean and was freezing, so I ended up having to shell out money for a sweatshirt and they are not cheap there. I was so warm and comfy I didn't want to leave anymore. :)

After a great start to the new year, I don't know what happened. All week I've felt off somehow. My sleep has been off. I'm totally tired, but can't get to sleep. And then I can't get up in the morning. At work I've been sleepy and slower than usual; just really not wanting to be there. I don't know if I'm getting sick or what it is that's come over me this week. I feel like something is missing; something's not quite right, but I can't put my finger on it.

After 2009, 2010 was a year of recovery and definitely a 100 times better than 2009. I spent most weekends at the movies, especially after I got my free pass at work.

But 2010 can best be summed up with two letters - YV. As Secretary, I was involved in all aspects of YV and all the events we had. I never missed a meeting (god do I hate writing minutes!) and only missed 2 events, both in March (one I was sick and the other, well, it was in Vegas and I didn't get to go). After those two, I didn't miss a single YV event. We can't forget the Variety events I also attended, helped plan or worked.

I lived and breathed YV and I have to admit it did start to be too much. By the end of the year, I was counting the number of events before I had a break. The break was short-lived. Technically, there was no break. Just three days before Christmas we were already meeting and talking and planning the January meeting and 2011. And things happened in December that made me question why I continue to work as much as I do on YV. It feels like no matter what I do, how hard I work, I'm still on the outside looking in; I'm not part of the inner circle. Back in September, we, the officers, were already talking about the next set of officers, even though it was still over a year away, and they were saying I should be the next prez. Obviously, if you know me, then you know that was always my goal, but now, I don't want to do it. I don't want to be an officer. I don't want to deal with all this drama and crap. I'm asking myself if I even want to be involved with them. I'm beginning to think it's time to go back to my roots, to go back to my community or look elsewhere to fill my desire to help.

I hope this year is calmer and has less drama, but who knows. I already feel myself scaling back in response to everyone else, so we'll see how the year goes.

There are changes at work because my boss left at the end of the year, so I have to see how things settle down. When my boss announced she was leaving, I started to think it was time for me to leave the Industry, maybe go to a non-profit. My boss was the only reason I stayed there so long. That and the fact I was able to spend as much time as I needed on YV since she's the vp, but let's face it, the position is way beneath my level. I need something more challenging. I now have a few more responsibilities, so I'm waiting to see how things change and then I'll decide what my next step should be.

I have all the best hopes for 2011, but I sure would like to know why I've been so down this past week. Hopefully, this upcoming week will be better.