It's been 8 months and I knew I had to let him go. I wanted to feel wanted, desired, so I went to Vegas last week for my conference with the intention of getting laid. Isn't that what they say, "the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one?" And let's face it, I hadn't had sex in four years, yes, four years...that's a friggin' looooooooooooooooooooong time! I was way overdue.
Have you picked up on my use of past-tense?
I don't know how, but I did in fact have sex in Vegas. With a guy. A guy 10 years younger than me.
Oh snap.
He was there for the same conference and really cute. We both may have had a little too much to drink; he more than me. And I may have made it seem like it was all his idea even though I knew what I was doing. It started slowly...a comment here, a touch there. I knew what I wanted, but I don't know how it actually started.
We had been with a large group from the conference, drinking and having a good time. As midnight approached, people started heading out, back to the hotel. A group of 5 (3 guys, 2 girls) of us decided to go to a club at the MGM so we headed out, walking down the strip and stopping at Walgreens for liquor. He was loud as we waited in line to pay. As we walked down the strip, there were moments he'd start to pout because the other girl was paying attention to the other guy (the 3rd guy is married so he wasn't a part of the equation). I used that to my advantage, pulling him along. He'd rub up against me or stand very close to me.
As we briefly waited to get inside the club, something changed and I kinda felt I had him. He stood so close to me. Once inside, we got more drinks. I wanted to dance. The others went to walk around the club and we stayed behind with her purse. He was sitting on the ledge and I was just innocently standing in front of him, my back to him, moving a little to the music. His hands were on my waist, going up and down my arms, trying to get to my breasts. My hands were to my side, running along his legs. Then one hand was in his hand and he was guiding it to his crotch. First over his pants, then inside his pants and he was pressing himself against me.
The others returned but we didn't move. My hands just came back into view. Well, one of them did. After a few minutes it was time to go. We left the other three at the club and went back to his room. He held my hand as he led me out the club and through the casino towards the cabs. When we got in the cab, he was handsy while I kept up small talk with the driver.
I was so turned on. I wanted him so much. I wanted it so much. Being a big girl (and going so long without sex), I forgot how lithe my body could be during sex. Yes, even my body. We started out in the bathroom and then his bed.
While we were having sex, nothing else mattered. We kissed. My hands ran across his body. It felt so good.
Two hours later, I was walking through the casino back to my room on the other side of the hotel, when I ran into the other three. I'm not sure if they realized the time difference. Well, I'm not sure if the guys noticed. I know she didn't because she mentioned to someone else that I had left with him because he was too drunk and that they left only minutes after we did, when in fact it was at least 2 hours.
The next day I was tired, but good. (It had also been 4 years so it was like having sex for the first time (again! since I always seem to go a long time between sex) and I was sore down there for a couple of days.) I was slightly embarrassed because we had woken up his roommate, but also because I'm 35 (what's a few more months) and I don't have a lot of experience. I'm a big girl so I've never really been on top and I don't really know what to do and I couldn't reach very well to adjust, so we had to change positions.
So I'm embarrassed about that and because I've never really done that. He's only the fourth guy I've been with (only the 3rd one to actually have intercourse with). The other three guys I knew for a long time (comparatively) before anything happened with them. I mean, it was 3 years before I actually slept with Texas-boy (formerly Boston-boy).
But I'm feeling good and hoping that maybe we'll get to do it again.
Wrong. He couldn't even look at me the next day. He asked that we not talk about it. He even deleted the photo of us at the club from his phone. He pretended like he never took a picture. Luckily, one of the other guys did and he sent me the picture. ;)
It wasn't just that he couldn't look at me, he avoided me for the rest of the conference. He was fine around other people, but if I was near, he tensed up. And he couldn't look at me.
I think that's what hurt the most. It was like he was repulsed by the sight of me. He was friendly and touchy with everyone else, even my two companions, but when he couldn't avoid me, he was stiff and quiet with me. Maybe he was embarrassed too. I don't know. On the last night he told me he had a girlfriend. Oh really? Is that why he was hitting on so many girls? Is that why he was taking pics with random girls and hitting on them right in front of me?
I don't know what he thought I thought, but it's not like I wanted to carry on a long distance relationship with him. It's not like I didn't see it for what it was. He's 25 and I'm 35! All I wanted was to have sex. I just wanted us to have sex again before I came back to the real world. I just wanted him to help me feel again.
In the end, he did make me feel again; he made me feel worse about myself.
