Broken

The days have turned into weeks and the weeks into months and I can't let him go. Suddenly the tears come and I can't breathe. Little things remind me of him, things we were supposed to do together and never will.

It won't stop hurting. I'm stuck in this endless roller coaster of emotions. I hate him for doing this to me. For making promises and breaking them. I've never opened up with anyone the way I did with him. I told him things I've never shared with anyone; truths about me I've kept hidden, the root of so many insecurities, and he made me feel like it was OK. He said he loved me. He said he wanted to marry me.

And now he's gone and I don't know why. And my brain knows I need to let him go, but my heart won't listen. I keep waiting, hoping for him to come back to me. There are days I imagine he'll be here when I come home from work. He'll be waiting outside my house for me and when I come home and he's not here, I die a little more inside.

I don't want to feel this way anymore, but I don't know how to let him go, how to move on without him. I'm not just heartbroken, I am broken. I'm just going through the motions of my life and can't find anything to care about.

He's gone and I need to move on, to let him go and try to fix all that's broken.