Missing him

I am currently reading a book in which the main character's husband is killed by a drunk driver at the beginning so the book is all about her grief process. It doesn't make sense and it's not the same thing; I feel stupid even thinking this, but as I read I can relate to some of the things she is going through and feels and I feel like I am grieving for the loss of him.

If he had died or if we had "broken" up, it would be easier.

Instead I'm stuck in limbo hell without any sense of what's going on or what's going to happen.

I know it's completely irrational, but yet I am angry, sad, heartbroken and completely lost. I feel abandoned; left-behind. Promises broken. Dreams shattered. Life at a standstill.

I know that in the long run, it will be better for us, but right now, right now all I want is him here with me...I want to be with him...I want to hear his voice...I want to hear him say he loves me. I just want to know he's OK...that we're OK.

It's been two months. For the last two months I have not heard from him or about him. I don't know where he is, when I'll hear from him. Nothing. And it's killing me.

I am so selfish. Why couldn't he wait two weeks? Why couldn't he wait until we saw each other? until we were together?

I want him here. I need him. I love him and my life in incomplete without him.



Please come back. Please come back to me soon.