They've robbed me of my confidence

I know I suck. I haven't been posting like I should, like I have in the past.

Sorry.

If I tell you work has been crazy, stressful, pressure-filled, insane and every other bad adjective you can think of - would that make it all better?

No? Oh well, too bad. That's exactly why I haven't been blogging. I get home too late, or have work to do, or my brain is just mush I can't do anything that requires any thought process whatsoever. :(

Work has not been good. I am exhausted. I'm on the verge of cracking. I'm on the edge.

I need a vacation.

But that's not going to happen any time soon. :(

I was sitting on the bus this morning, on my way to work, when the following words popped into my head: They've robbed me of my confidence.

I guess subconsciously I've been thinking about my conversation with one of the development guys on Friday. He started asking me about confidence and then appeared to switch topics. In the end, it all came back to confidence.

He said to me, "I can see it in your eyes...but you don't speak up, you don't say you disagree."

All this nonsense that's going on, but I'm not supposed to know what's going on, has me second-guessing myself.

What the hell?!?!

I may not have confidence that someone will love me, will want to be with me.

But my work is the one thing I've always been confident about. I am the best at what I do, hands down.

A little cocky? Too bad. It's the truth.

But I haven't been the best recently. I've always owned up to my mistakes. My mistake these last couple of months has been allowing them to undermine me, not speaking up and second guessing myself because of them.

It has to stop. Right now.