Disconnect

For the past year or so, I've felt a huge disconnect between most of my friends and I. It's neither good nor bad. Well, at first I thought it was bad, real bad, but now it's sinking in more that this is just life. Our lives are constantly moving and changing. Every decision we make takes us farther away from some people and closer to others. We change jobs or get promotions, move houses or apartments, join associations - all of these things affect our inner circle. Sometimes we lose friends, but most of the time we make new ones.

As much as I feel like an outsider, I can't deny that these people have become a part of my inner circle. They are the ones I'm in constant contact with; e-mailing throughout the day, every day. We disagree and argue, but then we're smiling and laughing. You share inside jokes and new experiences. I may not run to them crying, but then again, I'm not exactly running and crying to anyone else either.

Sometimes the unbearable loneliness floats up and tears fill my eyes, but I take a deep breath, wipe my eyes and tell myself it's OK because I have a lot of good things in my life. I'd rather be alone than feel like I'm begging people to spend time with me.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm so not. I have friends I'm a bad friend to also. One in particular that I've been avoiding like the plague because she annoys me so much.

The point I'm trying to make is that it's OK. I'll be here when you need me, even if I'm not holding my breath you'll be there when I need you, especially if you don't answer my calls or text messages. We all have other commitments and we'll come back to one another when we can...or not, and that's OK too. The friendship was there when we had it and we have good memories. Life moves fast. Life changes, our circles change and it's OK.