F*#&in Exhausted, Part 3

I started writing about my work life, but then I just got tired of reliving it.

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"Who's going to hire the fat girl?"

I am no stranger to the concept of paying your dues. I have always felt my work speaks for itself and whenever I go into a new company, I let my work do the talking. Unfortunately, it is also about the people you know, none more so than in the entertainment industry.

I'm a hard worker and a quick study. I have no problem putting in the work, but I also have no qualms leaving bad situations. I have worked my way up from entry level to director level to even vice president. I have put in the hours and made sacrifices. So many times I've been told, "well, you're not married, you don't have kids, so you can work those hours."

I was brought on as "Vice President of Operations" for a defunct company that was being rebuilt from the ground up. It was shut down for about 2 or 3 years and there were absolutely no processes in place. I was part of the interview process for the company that built our system, I worked hand in hand with them to build it; it was my design. I designed all the project paperwork (instructions, forms, etc.). Some of the data engineers were in Indonesia, so I would be up in the middle of the night working with them. I set up the phones and computers in the office and did our tech support. The VP and President above me were just figureheads, brought on for their connections to the industry. I am not overstating when I say I was the only one with the experience in this field and the only one that could it. And yet, I was undermined at every step. They put me down to ownership behind my back. Not a day went by that the other VP didn't say that she had a 13 year old son and couldn't put in those hours, and yet, would turn around and tell the owner that I was doing everything myself because I was a control freak. Not only was I building the system and getting grief for it, I was under paid. We weren't even ready with main operations when they started other departments and brought in vp's at double my pay. I walked away before the system was finished.

They filed for bankruptcy less than a year after I left. And it was all my fault. Not the fact that they hired people that knew nothing about the business and let the one doing the work walk away. No, I was ungrateful.

I had left quietly. I went radio silent for months. I never told anyone why I left, but the rumors swirled once people realized I was gone. The funny thing was that they couldn't say anything about my work. Instead they said I was ungrateful because ownership had paid for me to have gastric bypass and not only did I gain the weight back, but I didn't pay back ownership. NEVER HAVE I EVER HAD GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.

In less than a year, the damage had been done. I had allowed them to rob me of my confidence.

I always have to work twice as hard, while others around me slack off. And it's been either all on my shoulders or...