Ridiculous

It's been almost a year since things were officially over with F. He text me on Christmas Eve. We argued. Well, he got upset because my response included his name. That led to accusations from both sides of how the other was never going to change. He unfollowed me on IG, wished me luck with my cardmaking and said goodbye.

I hate to admit that I would have easily spread my legs for him if he hadn't reacted the way he did. I still love him. I know I shouldn't, my brain knows I shouldn't, but my heart won't listen.

As we approach two full years of this pandemic, I am so lonely and yearn to be touched. What's worse is I'm afraid I won't ever be fucked the way he fucked me. He was so good at it. He made me feel so good.

And that makes me feel foolish, so foolish. That's what I'm worried about?!? Being well fucked?!?! That's my concern? I really am ridiculous.