Current crushes

Bus crush - I haven't seen him in months. Very sad. :(

Local supermarket crush - I actually have five right now. Yes, there are five guys at my local supermarket that I just like to look at. (sigh...)  Of the five, there is one that just draws me in...sexually. There's just something about him. I get this vibe from him that to be with him would be dirty. I don't mean dirty as in unclean or gross. But as in wild, uninhibited, crazy sexy. ;)  I also think he's in my age range. The others are definitely younger, early 20s, so his age appeals to me more. Young guys are too immature. ;-p< Whenever I walk into the store I immediately scan the registers for him and try to get in his line if possible. Sometimes his line is way too long and I only have a couple of items so I don't want to wait. Sometimes I'm just not feeling good about myself so I avoid his line. If I'm wearing something cute and my boobs are cooperating, then you can bet I'll be in his line.

Work crush (sorta) - I think one of the theatre managers is cute. I use to go to that theatre more, but not so much anymore. When I do go and he's there, it's an immediately boost. I didn't figure out his name until yesterday and the good thing is he doesn't know I work at the corporate office.

Main crush - I am so into one of the general managers. I didn't have a lot of contact with him before, mostly just e-mails. He's volunteered or attended a bunch of events, but I hardly spoke to him. For a while, whenever I had to call him about something, I'd sound like such an idiot. I'd stumble over my words and wouldn't make any sense. Once off the phone with him, I'd want to kick myself for being an idiot. Every week I have to check the theatre recordings and if there was a mistake, he'd have to correct it so it was a thrill to hear his voice. I showed a photo of him at one of our events to Tiny yesterday and she was like, "yup, exactly your type." (I say I don't have a type, but I kinda do. Though, I'd like to point out that F, J and Boston boy do not fit that type.)

Now I can talk to him without stumbling over my words, but I do sound way too serious on the phone with him; too uptight. Have to work on that, especially since I'll be seeing more of him. Oh man, I am going to be a dead giveaway. I am one way at our monthly meetings and now that he's going to be there, everyone will see how different I am with him. Uh-oh.

Did I mention he has blue eyes and is taller than me? Double uh-oh.

I know nothing will happen. Aside from the work situation, I'm not his type. He is a partyer. Boy can he drink. And I've heard he goes through girlfriends rather quickly and his type are of the blonde and super thin variety.

Tokyo Wako in Long Beach

Tokyo Wako for Uni's 50th Birthday Dinner

5 year old Goddaughter reading

At that age

It's official. I've reached the age where everyone is always asking you when you're going to have a baby. It's funny, though, because I never got the "when are you getting married" question. It's just gone straight to "When are you going to have a baby?"

One of my cousins says I need to have a little boy. I say she should have a boy.

And another cousins asks whether or not my mom wants grandchildren. I say my brother will give her grandchildren.

Everyone knows at 14, I knew I wanted to be a mom someday. In my early 20's I said that if I didn't have a baby or wasn't in a serious committed relationship heading towards having a baby by the time I was 30, I would have one on my own. I never once thought I wouldn't have a baby by then.

My life has been up and down and at no time has it ever been the right time. Maybe there's never a right time to have a baby. Maybe you just have to make it work.

Right now, I'm okay not being a mom. I'm trying to be the cool aunt to my nieces. The great thing about having nieces? I can give them back. At the end of the day, when my patience is wearing thin, I can go home and relax, maybe with a drink, maybe with some cake, but definitely alone.

Years ago, I noticed that with each year that went by, not only did I get older, I became more selfish. I like doing what I want, when I want. With kids, you no longer have that luxury. You're responsible for another human being, another life. Someone else is counting on you to come through for them. And that way my life has been the last two years, is no way to raise a baby.

So to answer your question, no, I am not having a baby. Not any time soon. Nor in the foreseeable future.

I am perfectly happy being the "cool" aunt.

(At least I like to think I'm the "cool" aunt.)

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
And when do you think it will all become clear?
'Cuz I'm being taken over by the Fear

~~ The Fear by Lily Allen ~~

Sexualized re-telling of Sleeping Beauty

This morning I finished reading "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" by A.N. Roquelaure, which is really Anne Rice. It took me about a week to read it considering I finished reading "Second Time Around" by Beth Kendrick at 3:25am Tuesday morning and I started reading it around 7:30pm that evening and it was 74 pages longer.

A friend recommended it after a co-worker recommended it to her. It's a sexual retelling of Sleeping Beauty. It's actually a three-book series. I only bought the first one to see if I liked it and if so, I'd buy the others. The friend that recommended it, responded to the book sexually. As she read it, she went through periods of arousal and discomfort. And of course, she thought it'd be right up my alley. I'm not new to erotica. I'm not talking about romance novels, I'm talking about EROTICA.

So, yes, it's surprising. I did not care for the book. It was difficult to get through it; not because of all the S&M, it just kept putting me to sleep. And there was no arousal, no disgust, no discomfort; just nothing. I've had stronger reactions reading plain old romance novels.

I find no reason to read the next book in the series. Even putting the sex and S&M aside, the story was not compelling and did not leave me wanting more, wanting to know what happens to Sleeping Beauty and all the other sex slaves. blah. very disappointing.

Walking east on Missouri

As a child, I walked down Missouri every day during the week on my way to elementary school. As an adult, I rarely walk that route any more, but when I do I am filled with so many memories. The apartments I spent so much time at with my friend. Apartments I wasn't allowed to go to, but yet I did. The corner house I saw moving when the 1987 earthquake hit as I walked to school. The brick wall that stood so high above me as a little girl and now is even with my height. Everything is so clear. When I do walk east on Missouri, I long for those days of my youth. The carefree days with my good friend. The days of calling up party lines and flirting with guys in their 20s (we were only 9, by the way), taking baths together (it's funny that we took turns getting undressed and made the other close her eyes and yet we were taking baths together), learning to shave even though there was no hair on our legs. Every time I walk down that street, I long for my childhood.

5th Annual Pool Tournament

Come and check out YV's 5th Annual Pool Tournament on Wed, Feb 16th at Yankee Doodles in Santa Monica. It's a great event and lots of raffle prizes.

Unclear

Not sure what I'm feeling right now, but I don't like it. I'm all jumbled up. Maybe I should go to sleep and hope it helps to clear things up. And then, maybe I can write about it and surely that will help.

2011 is my year

According to my horoscope on Yahoo!, 2011 is going to bring money and love. I feel it in my bones that this year is going to be a great year. Even if the first week was shitty, but hey, it'll start turning around for me in a couple of months. :)

Overview
2011 is all about showing Virgo the money. Being the bona fide workaholic of the zodiac, you have certainly earned your right to demand the six figures through long hours and heaps of your own blood, sweat and tears over the past several years. And you've certainly suffered enough losses and endured enough tests of faith in the financial department to prove your substance. As much as you get off on the occasional masochistic work jag, you can't help but wonder when things are going to get easier. Well hang tight Virgin, because the bonus you so desperately need and deserve should arrive between March and June of 2011. A major conglomeration of fiery planets activates your sector of other people's money, including the luckiest planet of them all -- Jupiter. If that doesn't bring some kind of windfall, loan or access to a serious line of credit you're going about your business all kinds of wrong.

You're also getting ready to shed some serious skin starting this March. With Uranus, the change god joining forces with Jupiter in your sector of psychological change: you're preparing to face some serious skeletons in your psychic closet. Rather than applying your brilliant yet critical mind in assessing other people's shortcomings, you're ready to confront your own strengths and weaknesses on a new level. This year favors the clean slate approach to all matters of self-help, renewal and transformation of your personality. You're leaving many aspects of your old self behind in order to become a better and more authentic version of who you really are.

Romantic
Your love life is beyond rich and transformational again this year. After enduring a prolonged deprivation spell (*tell me about it!), where true love seemed like something that only happened to other people, your turn for real love has arrived. Chances are you're already in the midst of a very soulful tryst that began last year. But if you happen to be one of the remaining diehard hermits, get ready to experience one of the most intense romantic encounters of your lifetime. Your birthday season tops the charts in garnishing romance and pleasure, so be sure to take some time off to properly enjoy the amorous gifts of Venus.

You've got two powerful planetary energies working to make your love life the stuff movies and dreams are made of (and for the long haul.) Neptune, the planet of dreams and soulful experience will take up residence in your relationship sector this April to bring you a preview of what's to come for the next fourteen years in radically spiritualizing your relationships. And then Pluto, the god of the underworld continues the excavation begun in 2008 in your romance sector. Over the next 14 years you can count on Pluto to bring unparalleled intensity and reveal hidden aspects of your self through the vehicle of romance. Nothing light or frivolous anymore when it comes to love, Virgo. If it's not a soul connection that will transform every fiber of your being, you'll quickly lose interest.