I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
And when do you think it will all become clear?
'Cuz I'm being taken over by the Fear

~~ The Fear by Lily Allen ~~

Sexualized re-telling of Sleeping Beauty

This morning I finished reading "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" by A.N. Roquelaure, which is really Anne Rice. It took me about a week to read it considering I finished reading "Second Time Around" by Beth Kendrick at 3:25am Tuesday morning and I started reading it around 7:30pm that evening and it was 74 pages longer.

A friend recommended it after a co-worker recommended it to her. It's a sexual retelling of Sleeping Beauty. It's actually a three-book series. I only bought the first one to see if I liked it and if so, I'd buy the others. The friend that recommended it, responded to the book sexually. As she read it, she went through periods of arousal and discomfort. And of course, she thought it'd be right up my alley. I'm not new to erotica. I'm not talking about romance novels, I'm talking about EROTICA.

So, yes, it's surprising. I did not care for the book. It was difficult to get through it; not because of all the S&M, it just kept putting me to sleep. And there was no arousal, no disgust, no discomfort; just nothing. I've had stronger reactions reading plain old romance novels.

I find no reason to read the next book in the series. Even putting the sex and S&M aside, the story was not compelling and did not leave me wanting more, wanting to know what happens to Sleeping Beauty and all the other sex slaves. blah. very disappointing.

Walking east on Missouri

As a child, I walked down Missouri every day during the week on my way to elementary school. As an adult, I rarely walk that route any more, but when I do I am filled with so many memories. The apartments I spent so much time at with my friend. Apartments I wasn't allowed to go to, but yet I did. The corner house I saw moving when the 1987 earthquake hit as I walked to school. The brick wall that stood so high above me as a little girl and now is even with my height. Everything is so clear. When I do walk east on Missouri, I long for those days of my youth. The carefree days with my good friend. The days of calling up party lines and flirting with guys in their 20s (we were only 9, by the way), taking baths together (it's funny that we took turns getting undressed and made the other close her eyes and yet we were taking baths together), learning to shave even though there was no hair on our legs. Every time I walk down that street, I long for my childhood.

5th Annual Pool Tournament

Come and check out YV's 5th Annual Pool Tournament on Wed, Feb 16th at Yankee Doodles in Santa Monica. It's a great event and lots of raffle prizes.

Unclear

Not sure what I'm feeling right now, but I don't like it. I'm all jumbled up. Maybe I should go to sleep and hope it helps to clear things up. And then, maybe I can write about it and surely that will help.

2011 is my year

According to my horoscope on Yahoo!, 2011 is going to bring money and love. I feel it in my bones that this year is going to be a great year. Even if the first week was shitty, but hey, it'll start turning around for me in a couple of months. :)

Overview
2011 is all about showing Virgo the money. Being the bona fide workaholic of the zodiac, you have certainly earned your right to demand the six figures through long hours and heaps of your own blood, sweat and tears over the past several years. And you've certainly suffered enough losses and endured enough tests of faith in the financial department to prove your substance. As much as you get off on the occasional masochistic work jag, you can't help but wonder when things are going to get easier. Well hang tight Virgin, because the bonus you so desperately need and deserve should arrive between March and June of 2011. A major conglomeration of fiery planets activates your sector of other people's money, including the luckiest planet of them all -- Jupiter. If that doesn't bring some kind of windfall, loan or access to a serious line of credit you're going about your business all kinds of wrong.

You're also getting ready to shed some serious skin starting this March. With Uranus, the change god joining forces with Jupiter in your sector of psychological change: you're preparing to face some serious skeletons in your psychic closet. Rather than applying your brilliant yet critical mind in assessing other people's shortcomings, you're ready to confront your own strengths and weaknesses on a new level. This year favors the clean slate approach to all matters of self-help, renewal and transformation of your personality. You're leaving many aspects of your old self behind in order to become a better and more authentic version of who you really are.

Romantic
Your love life is beyond rich and transformational again this year. After enduring a prolonged deprivation spell (*tell me about it!), where true love seemed like something that only happened to other people, your turn for real love has arrived. Chances are you're already in the midst of a very soulful tryst that began last year. But if you happen to be one of the remaining diehard hermits, get ready to experience one of the most intense romantic encounters of your lifetime. Your birthday season tops the charts in garnishing romance and pleasure, so be sure to take some time off to properly enjoy the amorous gifts of Venus.

You've got two powerful planetary energies working to make your love life the stuff movies and dreams are made of (and for the long haul.) Neptune, the planet of dreams and soulful experience will take up residence in your relationship sector this April to bring you a preview of what's to come for the next fourteen years in radically spiritualizing your relationships. And then Pluto, the god of the underworld continues the excavation begun in 2008 in your romance sector. Over the next 14 years you can count on Pluto to bring unparalleled intensity and reveal hidden aspects of your self through the vehicle of romance. Nothing light or frivolous anymore when it comes to love, Virgo. If it's not a soul connection that will transform every fiber of your being, you'll quickly lose interest.

2011

I started out the year at Disneyland. I had originally wanted to go on New Year's Eve, but Uni and SadRomeo had previous engagements and everyone kept saying how crazy crowded Disneyland is on New Year's Eve, so New Year's Day it was. It was cold, but not too crowded, so the lines weren't very long to get on the rides. In the evening, I got soaked on Pirates of the Caribbean and was freezing, so I ended up having to shell out money for a sweatshirt and they are not cheap there. I was so warm and comfy I didn't want to leave anymore. :)

After a great start to the new year, I don't know what happened. All week I've felt off somehow. My sleep has been off. I'm totally tired, but can't get to sleep. And then I can't get up in the morning. At work I've been sleepy and slower than usual; just really not wanting to be there. I don't know if I'm getting sick or what it is that's come over me this week. I feel like something is missing; something's not quite right, but I can't put my finger on it.

After 2009, 2010 was a year of recovery and definitely a 100 times better than 2009. I spent most weekends at the movies, especially after I got my free pass at work.

But 2010 can best be summed up with two letters - YV. As Secretary, I was involved in all aspects of YV and all the events we had. I never missed a meeting (god do I hate writing minutes!) and only missed 2 events, both in March (one I was sick and the other, well, it was in Vegas and I didn't get to go). After those two, I didn't miss a single YV event. We can't forget the Variety events I also attended, helped plan or worked.

I lived and breathed YV and I have to admit it did start to be too much. By the end of the year, I was counting the number of events before I had a break. The break was short-lived. Technically, there was no break. Just three days before Christmas we were already meeting and talking and planning the January meeting and 2011. And things happened in December that made me question why I continue to work as much as I do on YV. It feels like no matter what I do, how hard I work, I'm still on the outside looking in; I'm not part of the inner circle. Back in September, we, the officers, were already talking about the next set of officers, even though it was still over a year away, and they were saying I should be the next prez. Obviously, if you know me, then you know that was always my goal, but now, I don't want to do it. I don't want to be an officer. I don't want to deal with all this drama and crap. I'm asking myself if I even want to be involved with them. I'm beginning to think it's time to go back to my roots, to go back to my community or look elsewhere to fill my desire to help.

I hope this year is calmer and has less drama, but who knows. I already feel myself scaling back in response to everyone else, so we'll see how the year goes.

There are changes at work because my boss left at the end of the year, so I have to see how things settle down. When my boss announced she was leaving, I started to think it was time for me to leave the Industry, maybe go to a non-profit. My boss was the only reason I stayed there so long. That and the fact I was able to spend as much time as I needed on YV since she's the vp, but let's face it, the position is way beneath my level. I need something more challenging. I now have a few more responsibilities, so I'm waiting to see how things change and then I'll decide what my next step should be.

I have all the best hopes for 2011, but I sure would like to know why I've been so down this past week. Hopefully, this upcoming week will be better.

Merry Christmas!!

Friday, December 24, 2010
A part of me feels like I'm supposed to be at work today, but thankfully we got today off. Of course, I woke up with my head pounding and a runny nose, but after popping 3 excedrin and blowing my nose, those symptoms are dissipating. Now I'm sitting on the couch eating yummy ginger cookies a co-worker made while playing bejeweled on facebook and watching tv. Laziness has takes root. Thank goodness I wrapped all my gifts last night.

Well, not all of them. I still have to get something for my brother's girlfriend, but she was supposed to go home yesterday for Christmas, so I have more time. I say supposed to because I got a text message from her this morning asking if I bought a case for the kindle I got for my sister because my brother wanted to get a case for it if I didn't. So, again, I say supposed to because my brother didn't text me himself, and he was supposed to be home yesterday since she was leaving and he's been at her apartment while she's been here, so if she left, he was supposed to come home. Crap, I hope she left, that way I still have time to get her something.

Oh man, I still have to get my cousin's girlfriend's gift too. She got me the Despicable Me Minion Madness double dvd's and I have no idea what to get her.

Christmas came up way too fast. They year just flew by. Time got away from me. I haven't even done my Christmas cards. I just don't know where it all went.

I had thought of writing a year in review letter to go along with the Christmas card, but all I could think of to write was, "Young Variety. 'Nuff said."

I think that pretty much sums up my year, no? Everything I did had to do with Young Variety or Variety itself. If we're friends on facebook, you saw that in all my fb status messages. Even on twitter.

And now the year has come to an end, but I don't really get a break. I have to start getting the January board meeting together and our big event of the year, the pool tournament, is coming up quickly and I need to get volunteers and photographers for it. So my last official event may have been the luncheon on the 16th, but there is still no end, no break.

Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas has come and gone. Friday night was spent at my uncle's house with the family. Damn! there are a lot of us! Too many. It took us 2 hours and 15 minutes to give open all the presents. It was less time than the last time we were all together for Christmas Eve in 2007, but it still felt like it took forever. And not all the little ones made it. I really think we need to start opening gifts earlier.

I came away with a handbag (one of my aunts just won't let it go and stop giving me handbags), an evening purse, a Starbucks gift card, a tunic with scarf, a sweater and a Hershey's pot to make hot chocolate. From my immediate family I got a new tv that's currently hooked up in the living room, a closet cube organizer, and 2 pillow pets (a ladybug and panda!). Dude, I can't deny it, I was so excited when I opened the pillow pets. :D

Technically, I also got the Despicable Me Minion Madness Double dvd from my cousin's girlfriend (as mentioned above) and another handbag from another friend. Though, is it still considered a Christmas present if while shopping, you hold two handbags up to your friend and ask, "which one are you buying me for Christmas?" ;-D

Overall, a good time was spent with the family on Christmas Eve. I spent most of the time playing with the little ones or my uncle's tiny pups. Apparently, attention was paid on Friday to the fact that I'm always playing with the little ones or dogs, so I'm either going to have kids or pets when I "grow up." Not sure how my family didn't realize this earlier.

Here's a little video of my niece dancing when they put music on. She's too cute. She'll be 1 in January, but she's already so big and has such a great personality.

Christmas Day was spent at home not doing much. I spent the better part of the day and evening online playing games on facebook and watching tv in mom's room since everyone else (mom, sister and brother) were watching basketball and football in the living room on my brand new tv.

Why is my new tv in the living room, you ask? Well, we had a really old tv in the living room. It still works great, but it's so old that even though we have dvr through direct tv, i can only record one show at a time and I can't change the channel while it's recording. So my new tv is in the living room for now until a new tv is bought when the living room is remodeled. (Our kitchen is currently being remodeled and we're working our way through the house.) My sister spent all day trying to hook up the tv and receiver to record multiple shows at the same time, but we couldn't get it to work. She's going to try again tomorrow. She gave up and just watched sports instead.

And now that it's 2am and everyone else is asleep, I figured I'd finish writing this post. And now I'm sleepy, so I'm going to take my pillow pets and Dorsey and go to bed. He's been sleeping with me these last few days. I'm a little worried, he seems sad. But it's nice to have him to cuddle with.

I'll end this post by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and hope it was filled with love and laughter.

Lifetime Achievement Award

Last week, an e-mail went around on Facebook letting people know the Youth Commission was bestowing a Lifetime Achievement Award to our Key Club Kiwanis Advisor. He's been the Kiwanis Advisor since the 70's and has devoted his life to children.

I received the e-mail from the class of 95 KC prez and she received it from the class of 94 KC prez. I forwarded it on to the 97 and 98 prez' as well as other key clubbers on facebook.

Voila! Instant reunion! :)

There were former key clubbers from the 70s, 80s and 90s, as well as current key clubbers. We took a group pic, but I still need to get a copy of it.

It was so great to see people I hadn't seen in a really long time. And all my favorite Kiwanians were there, too. They looked exactly the same! The memories just flooded back and I was transported back to high school.

One of the alums from the 70s is the general manager of the local Chili's, so our faculty advisor, Mr. Putnam, suggested we meet there after the dinner. And so we did. Mr. Putnam was a hard ass, strict and tough, so it was crazy weird to see him relaxed and drinking. It was so fun! He was spilling the beans, revealing information. It was great! We kept passing him drinks. ;)

It was just super nice to see old friends and get reacquainted. Now there's talk of nominating Mr Baum for the highest award that can be given within Key Club International and holding a special banquet for him and this time, getting as many former key clubbers as possible together.

Key Club is the foundation of everything I do. Everything I do, who I am, is all because of Key Club and the Kiwanians.

I'm beginning to think it's time to go back to my roots....

With the honoree, Mr. Baum

With one of my favorite Kiwanians, Joann

With my other favorite Kiwanian, Amalia

Key Club Presidents - 1977, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2004?, current & Mr. Putnam

Drinks at Chili's

My Life is Complete

I've hit the pleasure trifecta!

One corner has everything I need to make me happy. Just a couple of miles down the street, in the next city, there's a Fresh & Easy, the brand-spankin' new Porto's kitty corner from the Fresh & Easy, and just behind the Porto's, the movie theatre. Everything I need. OK, if they added a bookstore, then it would have everything I needed, but I'll take what they have.

The line to Porto's is crazy long. Depending on what time you go, you first have to wait in the line that starts at the door and wraps around. Once inside, you go to either the bakery line or the cafe line. The cafe line is supposed to be the express line and the Porto's worker at the door will come out and ask if anyone is getting just drinks and sandwiches and/or under 6 bakery items and they'll let you ahead of the people in the outside line.

I went to Porto's twice today. I met Tiny at there at 11am for lunch and there was no outside line. After lunch, we went to the movies and saw "For Colored Girls." I will never see Michael Ealy in the same way again. :(  Yes, I cried. I cried a lot.

After the movie, Tiny caught the bus back home because she had to go babysit, and I went back to Porto's and this time, there was an outside line. It was so funny, though, because a couple in front of me tried to sneak into the bakery line inside and they got caught. The husband tried to argue, but you could tell the wife got embarrassed and walked back out to the outside line. We were standing outside laughing.

All in all, the second time I went today, it took about 50 minutes to wait in line and get all the goodies I got. I bought enough for my sister and mom to try their popular dishes. Except my mom can't have the cheese rolls because she's lactose intolerant.

Man, Porto's is yummy in my tummy. My mom enjoyed it too. My sister hasn't said anything, but I'm sure she enjoyed them too. She's been giving me crap all week about Porto's and the long-ass line.

And now that they've extended their hours, I can actually make it during the week and not wait until the weekend.

So, for now, my life is complete. :-D