For the past year or so, I've felt a huge disconnect between most of my friends and I. It's neither good nor bad. Well, at first I thought it was bad, real bad, but now it's sinking in more that this is just life. Our lives are constantly moving and changing. Every decision we make takes us farther away from some people and closer to others. We change jobs or get promotions, move houses or apartments, join associations - all of these things affect our inner circle. Sometimes we lose friends, but most of the time we make new ones.
As much as I feel like an outsider, I can't deny that these people have become a part of my inner circle. They are the ones I'm in constant contact with; e-mailing throughout the day, every day. We disagree and argue, but then we're smiling and laughing. You share inside jokes and new experiences. I may not run to them crying, but then again, I'm not exactly running and crying to anyone else either.
Sometimes the unbearable loneliness floats up and tears fill my eyes, but I take a deep breath, wipe my eyes and tell myself it's OK because I have a lot of good things in my life. I'd rather be alone than feel like I'm begging people to spend time with me.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm so not. I have friends I'm a bad friend to also. One in particular that I've been avoiding like the plague because she annoys me so much.
The point I'm trying to make is that it's OK. I'll be here when you need me, even if I'm not holding my breath you'll be there when I need you, especially if you don't answer my calls or text messages. We all have other commitments and we'll come back to one another when we can...or not, and that's OK too. The friendship was there when we had it and we have good memories. Life moves fast. Life changes, our circles change and it's OK.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Dinner at Morton's
I've always had issues about my birthday. Months before I'm super excited and thinking about what fun things I'm going to do to celebrate it, but as the day actually gets closer, it turns into a dreadful thing I'd rather not think about it. I can't actually pinpoint when this started to happen, but it's definitely been prevalent during the last few years. I know it upsets my closest friends because they want to make plans and I just want to ignore it.
This year, Michael ended up not making it to my birthday dinner because of an issue with one of the boys. I told him not to worry about me and just take care of them and that was that.
He's been having a hard time because the boys are no longer with him, so I text him last week about getting together for dinner. The boys were with him for 5 or 6 years; his whole world revolved around them, so it's not easy to transition back to being on his own.
He had plans for Thursday and then had the boys over the weekend, so he said we could have dinner early this week and that it would be a belated birthday dinner. On Sunday I text him to let me know when he wanted to have dinner and we agreed on Monday.
I told him to choose the place and to just let me know where to meet him. He said he had the perfect place and we agreed to meet in DTLA at 7pm. He offered to pick me up at work, but I didn't see a point to him going all the way to the South Bay to get me when he lives in DTLA to begin with and it's super easy for me to get to DTLA.
I made into to DTLA super early, so I sat at the Starbucks next to Morton's looking over some game ideas for the Halloween carnival, while I waited.
When he arrived, we went inside and had a drink at the bar while we waited for our table to be ready. They asked if we were celebrating a special occasion and he kept saying it was my birthday and I'd say it wasn't really, that it had already passed, but no matter, everyone kept wishing me a happy birthday.
When they seated us, the waiter said someone had left the flowers on our table. I wasn't really paying attention and thought the flowers were just a part of the decor until Michael started digging into them, looking for the card and then I looked around and noticed that none of the other tables had flowers. Michael had ordered them and had them delivered to the restaurant for me. He said he had even called ahead to make sure they had arrived. The maitre d' then came and set the card in front of me.
Everyone that came to the table wished me a happy birthday.
And even the menu wished me a happy birthday.
Oh boy, I looked at the menu and my jaw dropped at the prices. Michael told me not to worry about anything, to get whatever I wanted; he wanted dinner to be special.
The food was so good. We were eating and drinking, talking and laughing. It was a wonderfully delicious night.
I still had my drink from the bar when we sat down for dinner and it took me a while to drink it. He kept insisting I order another drink and threatened to order for me if I didn't. I had another drink during dinner and then he said I needed a dessert drink. We had ordered souffles at the beginning (I had never had a souffle.), so he ended up ordering a chocotini for me. It was delicious. I was already getting fuzzy and warm with the second drink so the chocotini just sent me over the edge. With that third drink, it wouldn't have been a good idea to take the train home and he couldn't drive me home either as he had had even more to drink than me.
After dinner, we went back to his place because it was just down the street. My cousin was coming to pick me up. We had another drink while we waited and talked. He served me white wine with orange juice. He knows I don't drink wine (I have to be drunk to drink it, same with beer.), but he said the orange juice would cover the taste and boy did it. I gulped that glass down. ;)
It was the most romantic evening I've ever spent. He made me feel so special and wonderful. It was a little confusing though, but Mari said not to over-think it and try to categorize the evening. Basically, don't be me; just appreciate the evening for what it was, archive it as one of the best evenings I've ever had, and just enjoy the friendship.
This year, Michael ended up not making it to my birthday dinner because of an issue with one of the boys. I told him not to worry about me and just take care of them and that was that.
He's been having a hard time because the boys are no longer with him, so I text him last week about getting together for dinner. The boys were with him for 5 or 6 years; his whole world revolved around them, so it's not easy to transition back to being on his own.
He had plans for Thursday and then had the boys over the weekend, so he said we could have dinner early this week and that it would be a belated birthday dinner. On Sunday I text him to let me know when he wanted to have dinner and we agreed on Monday.
I told him to choose the place and to just let me know where to meet him. He said he had the perfect place and we agreed to meet in DTLA at 7pm. He offered to pick me up at work, but I didn't see a point to him going all the way to the South Bay to get me when he lives in DTLA to begin with and it's super easy for me to get to DTLA.
I made into to DTLA super early, so I sat at the Starbucks next to Morton's looking over some game ideas for the Halloween carnival, while I waited.
When he arrived, we went inside and had a drink at the bar while we waited for our table to be ready. They asked if we were celebrating a special occasion and he kept saying it was my birthday and I'd say it wasn't really, that it had already passed, but no matter, everyone kept wishing me a happy birthday.
When they seated us, the waiter said someone had left the flowers on our table. I wasn't really paying attention and thought the flowers were just a part of the decor until Michael started digging into them, looking for the card and then I looked around and noticed that none of the other tables had flowers. Michael had ordered them and had them delivered to the restaurant for me. He said he had even called ahead to make sure they had arrived. The maitre d' then came and set the card in front of me.
Everyone that came to the table wished me a happy birthday.
And even the menu wished me a happy birthday.
Oh boy, I looked at the menu and my jaw dropped at the prices. Michael told me not to worry about anything, to get whatever I wanted; he wanted dinner to be special.
The food was so good. We were eating and drinking, talking and laughing. It was a wonderfully delicious night.
I still had my drink from the bar when we sat down for dinner and it took me a while to drink it. He kept insisting I order another drink and threatened to order for me if I didn't. I had another drink during dinner and then he said I needed a dessert drink. We had ordered souffles at the beginning (I had never had a souffle.), so he ended up ordering a chocotini for me. It was delicious. I was already getting fuzzy and warm with the second drink so the chocotini just sent me over the edge. With that third drink, it wouldn't have been a good idea to take the train home and he couldn't drive me home either as he had had even more to drink than me.
After dinner, we went back to his place because it was just down the street. My cousin was coming to pick me up. We had another drink while we waited and talked. He served me white wine with orange juice. He knows I don't drink wine (I have to be drunk to drink it, same with beer.), but he said the orange juice would cover the taste and boy did it. I gulped that glass down. ;)
It was the most romantic evening I've ever spent. He made me feel so special and wonderful. It was a little confusing though, but Mari said not to over-think it and try to categorize the evening. Basically, don't be me; just appreciate the evening for what it was, archive it as one of the best evenings I've ever had, and just enjoy the friendship.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Talk about "High & Proud"
Mom's Birthday Dinner - July 2, 2011
My Birthday Dinner - September 3, 2011
Even though the two dresses have different cuts, you can definitely tell the difference in my boobs. Ahh, what a difference a bra makes.
I liked the girls being so high and proud, but I was so self-conscious about it. I felt naked, doubly so because I was wearing contacts. Uni says I use my glasses as a shield. Regardless of whether or not that's true, I feel comfortable with them. I think my face has shaped itself around them. I mean, I've worn glasses since I was 9 years old; they've become a part of me. So when I don't wear them, I think my face looks weird. I think I look pretty cute in the top picture; not so much in the bottom one.
Even though I was self-conscious about my boobs being so out there, I did think I looked amazing on Saturday and it felt great.
Here's a full picture. You can't see my shoes, though. They were gold wedge sandals. So darn cute!
And my purse was also gold and sparkly. :)
My Birthday Dinner - September 3, 2011
Even though the two dresses have different cuts, you can definitely tell the difference in my boobs. Ahh, what a difference a bra makes.
I liked the girls being so high and proud, but I was so self-conscious about it. I felt naked, doubly so because I was wearing contacts. Uni says I use my glasses as a shield. Regardless of whether or not that's true, I feel comfortable with them. I think my face has shaped itself around them. I mean, I've worn glasses since I was 9 years old; they've become a part of me. So when I don't wear them, I think my face looks weird. I think I look pretty cute in the top picture; not so much in the bottom one.
Even though I was self-conscious about my boobs being so out there, I did think I looked amazing on Saturday and it felt great.
Here's a full picture. You can't see my shoes, though. They were gold wedge sandals. So darn cute!
And my purse was also gold and sparkly. :)
Friday, September 2, 2011
High and proud
My birthday treat to myself, aside from getting my nails and eyebrows done? Two new bras. WOW what a difference new bras make.
My cousin saw me the other day and I was wearing one of the new bras and she was like, "You bitch!"
My now 33 year old boobs look more like my 28 year old boobs. OK, they look more like 25 year old boobs; high and proud. :-)
My cousin saw me the other day and I was wearing one of the new bras and she was like, "You bitch!"
My now 33 year old boobs look more like my 28 year old boobs. OK, they look more like 25 year old boobs; high and proud. :-)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Last few hours of 32
Tomorrow is my birthday.
Tomorrow I will be 33 years old.
Certainly not a kid anymore, but I don't feel like an adult either.
Spending my last couple of hours as a 32 year old playing games online, listening to music and doing laundry.
I may or may not shave my legs as well. Laziness will undoubtedly take over and I'll just shave them tomorrow night.
At least I got my nails and eyebrows done over the weekend.
Times like these, I hate being female. Especially when mother nature decides to be funny and sends you your period on your birthday. Thanks for the gift.
I may also go to bed early so as not to be awake when the big day arrives.
Happy Birthday to me.
Tomorrow I will be 33 years old.
Certainly not a kid anymore, but I don't feel like an adult either.
Spending my last couple of hours as a 32 year old playing games online, listening to music and doing laundry.
I may or may not shave my legs as well. Laziness will undoubtedly take over and I'll just shave them tomorrow night.
At least I got my nails and eyebrows done over the weekend.
Times like these, I hate being female. Especially when mother nature decides to be funny and sends you your period on your birthday. Thanks for the gift.
I may also go to bed early so as not to be awake when the big day arrives.
Happy Birthday to me.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Boobies
I was looking through some photos of myself that I took in 2006 and then I looked down at myself and realized that my (almost) 33 year old breasts are quite different from my 28 year old breasts. And realizing they need a whole lot more support than they use to was especially difficult.
I've always liked my breasts. Still do. But even I have to admit that they're not what they used to be. That makes me sad. :(
I've always liked my breasts. Still do. But even I have to admit that they're not what they used to be. That makes me sad. :(
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sadness: This is Why I Don't Put Myself Out There
My main supermarket crush finally asked me out.
I've really been into him for the last two or three months and saw him on a nearly daily basis at the supermarket. We'd chat here and there when checking out, but nothing more. As I've mentioned before, when I'm crushing on a guy, I'm nervous and can't really flirt. I'm way friendly and flirty with guys that are married or have girlfriends. Not because of any sinister desire, but I deem them safe. They're taken, nothing's going to happen, there's no chance of rejection; I can just be myself.
So even though I wasn't exactly flirting up a storm with him, I thought it was quite obvious I was into him. He was also friendly and would smile and chat with me most of the time.
Recently, I went to the supermarket twice with two of my cousins. They wanted to check him out. One thought he was cute and the other, not so much. They pointed out that when we were in his line, he ignored them and only spoke to me. Then last Thursday, we went again and he asked if I got out of work early since I was there earlier than usual and my cousins pointed out again that 1, again he ignored them and only focused on me and 2, he pays attention to when I'm there. They also mentioned that he looks at me like he wants to say more; that we both look at each other like that.
So, my cousins kept telling me that I needed to find out whether or not he had a girlfriend or wife and with the street fair this weekend it was a perfect opportunity.
I've always been boy-crazy and always always took the initiative. I would tell guys I was into them, facing rejection after rejection. But I'm not like that anymore. After so many rejections, I just won't put myself out there. One of my cousins thinks that rejection should build confidence. I don't see that. In my case, I've put up walls around me and they just keep getting taller and taller.
But I did it. I decided I needed to find out before I got ahead of myself, as per usual, so I went to the store on Friday with my best boobie top and a plan. He wasn't there on Friday. boo.
He was, however, there on Saturday when I went to buy milk. He asked where my friends were since I was alone and asked how the X-Men movie was. Then he asked if I had gone to the street fair. I said I was probably taking my nieces the next day and then asked him if he had gone. He said he didn't have anyone to go with, so I said he should ask someone. His response? "Ask you?" So, yes, he asked me out and I said yes and gave him my number.
He had asked at what time the fair started on Sunday and I told him around Noon. Then I remembered I was volunteering in the morning so I told him I would be back by 1pm. He said he'd call.
I got home at 12:30pm, took a shower and got dressed. And then I waited. I was tired from my morning activities, so I ended up falling asleep a bit. At almost 3pm, I got a text message from him saying it was going to be too late for him to go to the fair. I figured when he asked what time the fair started that he was concerned with work.
He should've just said so. Why did he ask me out if he couldn't go?? And why didn't he let me know earlier?? I cancelled lunch plans with a friend to go out with him, and I feel so guilty.
I put myself out there, got all cute, even wore lip gloss and now I'm just disappointed. His texting me instead of calling, feels like he just blew me off. Especially because I text back saying it would've been fun and next time then. No response. If he had responded then maybe I wouldn't feel like he blew me off.
And now, I feel like an idiot. This is why I don't put myself out there. I'm better off on my own with these stupid little crushes that don't hurt me, don't disappoint me because they don't mean anything, they're strangers that only serve to fuel my fantasies.
I don't want to see him. I can't face him. I can't bear the embarrassment. I'm not broken hearted, but I'm sad and disappointed. I just have to focus on myself. I have a lot going on, especially this week, so I'm just going focus all my energies on that.
I've really been into him for the last two or three months and saw him on a nearly daily basis at the supermarket. We'd chat here and there when checking out, but nothing more. As I've mentioned before, when I'm crushing on a guy, I'm nervous and can't really flirt. I'm way friendly and flirty with guys that are married or have girlfriends. Not because of any sinister desire, but I deem them safe. They're taken, nothing's going to happen, there's no chance of rejection; I can just be myself.
So even though I wasn't exactly flirting up a storm with him, I thought it was quite obvious I was into him. He was also friendly and would smile and chat with me most of the time.
Recently, I went to the supermarket twice with two of my cousins. They wanted to check him out. One thought he was cute and the other, not so much. They pointed out that when we were in his line, he ignored them and only spoke to me. Then last Thursday, we went again and he asked if I got out of work early since I was there earlier than usual and my cousins pointed out again that 1, again he ignored them and only focused on me and 2, he pays attention to when I'm there. They also mentioned that he looks at me like he wants to say more; that we both look at each other like that.
So, my cousins kept telling me that I needed to find out whether or not he had a girlfriend or wife and with the street fair this weekend it was a perfect opportunity.
I've always been boy-crazy and always always took the initiative. I would tell guys I was into them, facing rejection after rejection. But I'm not like that anymore. After so many rejections, I just won't put myself out there. One of my cousins thinks that rejection should build confidence. I don't see that. In my case, I've put up walls around me and they just keep getting taller and taller.
But I did it. I decided I needed to find out before I got ahead of myself, as per usual, so I went to the store on Friday with my best boobie top and a plan. He wasn't there on Friday. boo.
He was, however, there on Saturday when I went to buy milk. He asked where my friends were since I was alone and asked how the X-Men movie was. Then he asked if I had gone to the street fair. I said I was probably taking my nieces the next day and then asked him if he had gone. He said he didn't have anyone to go with, so I said he should ask someone. His response? "Ask you?" So, yes, he asked me out and I said yes and gave him my number.
He had asked at what time the fair started on Sunday and I told him around Noon. Then I remembered I was volunteering in the morning so I told him I would be back by 1pm. He said he'd call.
I got home at 12:30pm, took a shower and got dressed. And then I waited. I was tired from my morning activities, so I ended up falling asleep a bit. At almost 3pm, I got a text message from him saying it was going to be too late for him to go to the fair. I figured when he asked what time the fair started that he was concerned with work.
He should've just said so. Why did he ask me out if he couldn't go?? And why didn't he let me know earlier?? I cancelled lunch plans with a friend to go out with him, and I feel so guilty.
I put myself out there, got all cute, even wore lip gloss and now I'm just disappointed. His texting me instead of calling, feels like he just blew me off. Especially because I text back saying it would've been fun and next time then. No response. If he had responded then maybe I wouldn't feel like he blew me off.
And now, I feel like an idiot. This is why I don't put myself out there. I'm better off on my own with these stupid little crushes that don't hurt me, don't disappoint me because they don't mean anything, they're strangers that only serve to fuel my fantasies.
I don't want to see him. I can't face him. I can't bear the embarrassment. I'm not broken hearted, but I'm sad and disappointed. I just have to focus on myself. I have a lot going on, especially this week, so I'm just going focus all my energies on that.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Chi Town, I miss you already!
It was a great trip! I wish it lasted longer, or at the very least, that I was able to stay through Sunday instead of coming back early and missing the big dinner on Sunday night. I told myself that the honorees were no big deal to me so it was ok to come back early. And that's true. But I wish I could have stayed longer because of the people I met. Even though things started out slow and I was my usual quiet self when it comes to being surrounded by strangers, by the end of Saturday night, I had let loose and was feeling good.
Let's start from the beginning.
Being me, I left packing until the last minute. I had jury duty the week before Chicago and even though I was home by 5pm every day that week and should have used that time to get all my preparations done, I didn't. I was on a red-eye to Chicago Wednesday night and was working a full day, so it didn't give me much time. I bought all my toiletries Monday night, did laundry on Tuesday night, but did I even start packing? Nope, no I didn't. I came home from work on Wednesday and had 2 hours to pack and get ready before I had to catch the bus to the airport.
I finished packing in time, but didn't have time for a quick shower. Did I mention that I only had about three or four hours of sleep Tuesday night? I always have a hard time sleeping before I fly, but usually have no problem falling asleep on the plane.
Once on the plane, realized why the flight was so cheap. It was like a sardine can in there. When the guy in front of me reclined his seat, he could have used my boobs as pillows. I felt for the guy next to me because he had long legs and absolutely no space. The good thing was that the guy in front of him didn't recline his seat. Who knows what he would have done then. It was completely uncomfortable and neither of us could get any sleep. Next time I'm paying for the $50 seats. (The return flight wasn't so bad, though.)
I arrived in Chicago just before 6am. I was a mess. Once I got my bag, I went into the bathroom to try to freshen up a bit, but I still looked and felt awful. Oh man, I should mention when I walked into the stall at O'Hare, I was like, "WTF??" You're not able to put a seat cover on the toilet. It already has a plastic one on it. You wave your hand in front of it and it automatically changes it to a new one.
I had done some research and found that the easiest and cheapest way from the airport to my hotel was taking the L and it dropped me off about a block and half from my hotel. The train stop is right in the airport and it was easy to buy a cta card and get on. Unfortunately, it was Thursday during rush hour and I was going into the heart of the financial district so the train got pretty packed. It was about an hour to the hotel so I arrived around 7am.
The hotel was fancy. Actually, as my college roommate said when I told her where I was staying, "super fancy." Here I am, just off a red-eye flight, in jeans and a loose t-shirt, looking a mess and walking into a rather posh hotel. Yeah, I felt out of place. And as I thought about the clothes I packed, completely under dressed.
I was able to check-in early without being charged the $25 check-in early fee, but it meant instead of a king size bed, I just got a double. I so didn't care. The conference was starting at 8:45am and I wanted to at least take a shower if I couldn't take a nap. I don't know how I made it through that day. Meeting after meeting from 8:45am to 4:30pm. I hoped to take a quick nap before dinner at 6:30pm but I ended up going to the bar with my old boss and having a couple of drinks while we talked yv business. I had two whiskey sours and I was buzzed. That's usually not enough to affect me, but considering my lack of sleep and the very little food I had (I didn't get breakfast and lunch was on the light side), I was feeling good. I barely had time to go upstairs and change for dinner.
Dinner was on the light side too, so my old boss and I ended up leaving early and going around the corner to eat. We came back and the band had stopped playing, but they had brought out a piano and people were drinking and singing. I was a good girl, though. While a bunch of them went next door to a bar, I went up to my room. It was 10:30 and I was exhausted, but kept thinking, "it's only 8:30pm," so I ended up staying up til around 1am. I overslept the next day. :(
I missed the morning session from 8:45-11am. That sucked because I missed a bunch of tent presentations about events they've had. These presentations serve to give others ideas. From what I heard, I missed some good events. :(
That afternoon, I had another 2 hour break before dinner, and while I had hoped to get away from the hotel for a little bit, I ended up back at the bar with my old boss and had two more whiskey sours. This time, I was well rested and well fed (well, no breakfast again, but still) so they did not affect me like they had the day before.
At the cocktail reception before dinner, I met staff from the WI tent and met the ED from Kansas City. When I was introduced to the Kansas City ED, she exclaimed because she knew me from Facebook (I follow as many tents as I can and comment when possible). The dinner was great and afterwards I stuck to our former yv prez. We were at the hotel bar for awhile before going over to the bar next door.
Have you seen the Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves movie "The Lake House?" The bar next door where everyone kept hanging out was the same bar from the movie. :)
Had a few drinks, met more people and had a meatball sandwich before heading back at 1:30am. I stayed up til about 3am watching tv. I was still on LA time, plus I was putting things away since my college roommate was coming in on Saturday so I didn't want her to walk into a mess.
Saturday was the day I was looking forward to. In the morning was the yv meeting, then we were getting on trolleys to the pier for the kids luncheon, then I actually had five hours of free time before the yv event that evening.
Even though I didn't go to sleep until 3am, I was up bright and early Saturday morning and made it to breakfast. Yum! At the yv meeting, I learned a lot about the other yv's and realized just how different we were (and that's not a good thing). The kids luncheon was on a boat, but it stayed docked. The Illinois tent brought in a bunch of kids groups they support and there was lunch, games, face painting and jewelry making for them. I volunteered for the jewelry making and helped a few make necklaces and bracelets. Unfortunately, many of the beads provided didn't fit the cord provided so options were limited.
I took the trolley back to the hotel with some of the other yv'ers because I was meeting my college roommate and another college friend to go sightseeing around Chicago. It was great to see them. :) We walked round and round, went to the Buckingham Fountain (from the opening credits of Married with Children), went to "the bean" and the spitting fountain. I was starving so I had some Chicago deep stuffed pizza. Went to the cultural arts center, took a photo in front of the famous Chicago theatre and went to the first department store, Marshall Fields (now Macy's). Boy was I tired from all the walking. Five hours of walking! Ok, 1 hour was spent at the restaurant (the pizza takes 40 minutes). We arrived at a good time and were seated immediately. When we left, there were tons of people outside waiting to be seated.
There was still tons to see, but we had to get back and get ready for the yv night at the House of Blues. I didn't mingle much, stuck to my college roommate most of the time, and yet, I agreed to head out to the next bar/club with the group. Here we are, this huge group of people showing up in multiple cabs, to this club with a long-ass line of people waiting to get in and we stroll up to the front. Did I mention we had Mr World and Miss World in tow?
The club was to capacity and we were going to go into the club next door, but as soon as we turned, the doorman called us back and was like, "my bad." He led us around the club to the back door and let us all in. That was the beginning of an incredible night!
The basement of the club was the biggest part, with different rooms and 2 bars and it played 80s music. The upstairs, which the street entrance led into had a smaller dance floor and played pop and hip hop music. We spent quite some time in the basement, drinking, singing along with the music and dancing. We were transported back to our college days. We stuck with the group for a bit, but then my college roommate and I ventured off on our own.
After a couple of hours in the basement, we ended up upstairs and back with the majority of the group. We hit the dance floor and honestly, I danced non-stop for hours. I can't remember the last time I cut loose like that. Not even for my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast on my birthday, I was also hammered that night. But this evening, even though I had been drinking earlier in the evening, I stopped at a certain point and was way sober for the majority of the time at the club.
We were on the dance floor, singing and dancing. My former yv prez said she was so happy to see me cut loose and that it was a completely different side of me. I honestly think if my college roommate hadn't been there, the night would have ended early for me. I probably would have left the House of Blues event early or at the very least, gone back to the hotel instead of going to the club. Her being there was comforting, enabled me to relax and just let me be myself. In college, it was usually the two of us at the parties and dances. We stuck together and had fun.
Aside from the atmosphere of the basement and 80s music, there was another moment that took me back to my college days. I had finally taken a break (I was tired after walking for 5 hours and then dancing non-stop for hours), when a particularly awesome song came on. I was dancing by the tables because the dance floor was packed tight and a guy came up and danced with me. When the song ended, he said thanks and went away. A few moments later, another guy went up to him with drinks and they were getting close. My college roommate and I looked at each other. We couldn't believe it. It was definitely college. It took us back to sophomore year at the notorious Casa party where two of the hottest guys were taking turns dancing with me, "fighting" for my attention. They were gay, by the way. The attention was nice, but of course, it's like "why is it only the gay guys???" So here I was again, a great song had come on and who decides to get freaky with me - the gay guy. :(
My old yv prez is very popular with this crowd as she's been to several of these conferences and there were two guys that were vying for her attention. One she was clearly into as well, so the other one just looked like a sad little puppy following her around and watching her with the other guy. At one point, the sad little puppy grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor with him. It was so nice to dance with him. It would've been nicer if he hadn't spent the entire time we were dancing watching my old yv prez and the other guy. :(
I had obviously seen him throughout the conference and he was one of the hotties in attendance, at least in my opinion. There's just something about those Midwestern boys. And I especially liked how tall he was and he was so funny.
He held me close to his body while we danced and he'd pull my arm around him if I wasn't holding on to him. It felt so good to slide my hand up and down his back and just feel the curve of his body. I was tempted, so tempted to let my hand stray away from his back, further down, sideways, everywhere. But I was a good girl. (nuts!) If he had actually been paying attention to me, there's no telling what I would have done. ;)
I wanted him to hold me tight and look at me the way he was looking at her. I kept thinking about making a move, maybe I would have if I wasn't sober. Watching my old yv prez and the other guy made me long for attention; the way he kissed her shoulders or just simply held her hand. Maybe it's been too long for me, maybe since I tend to feel rather frisky when my time ends (before and during too!), maybe it really wasn't about him, but just my own longings. Either way, I didn't do anything and he certainly didn't do anything, so we both missed out because I can honestly say, if he hadn't been as drunk as he was and if he had paid attention to me, he wouldn't have been the sad little puppy he was.
We left the club at about 3:30am and a group we went with still stayed behind, including the sad puppy. Others had left earlier. I was just amazed that at the time of night, there was still a long line of people waiting to get in. I'm not a club/bar person, but didn't think this was a normal thing, at least not in LA. But what do I know.
When we got back to the hotel, I was still wired so I had trouble going to sleep right away. I wanted to stay up talking, but considering I still had a bunch of meetings, starting at 8:45am before I had to leave for the airport at 3pm, I knew I needed to get some sleep. I fell asleep around 4:30am and was up at 7:30am. That gave me an hour to shower, dress and pack before the 8:45am meeting. My college roommate got to sleep in a little longer and took my luggage down to the hotel lobby at 10:45am. That gave me 15 minutes to check out and check my luggage at the bell desk before running off to my next meeting and lunch.
I was so tired on Sunday and kept dozing off. I felt so bad. And boy was I sore. Either I'm getting old or I need to party like that more often so I'm not sore. OK, I'm getting old. I was still sore on Monday. :(
I don't know at what time the others returned to the hotel because they didn't make it to the morning session or lunch, so I didn't see him before I left.
On Sunday afternoon, I had the same problem taking the train back to the airport that I had coming in on Thursday - a full train. It's so incredibly easy to take the train to and from the airport that the train was full of people and their luggage.
I got some sleep on the flight back and upon landing, the second we were able to turn on our cell phones, the flight attendant immediately announced that Osama bin Laden was dead.
I had a great time in Chicago and wish I could've stayed longer. I learned a lot during the conference and was so happy to meet so many new people within the organization. Before the conference, I was counting the days until the end of my term as secretary, but I came back with renewed excitement, enthusiasm and spirit. I wrote up a 2-page report (I cut out a lot and only put the most relevant and interesting information) for my fellow board members. It only took the hour and a half long board meeting I attended on Tuesday to kill the renewed excitement, enthusiasm and spirit. My board will never change and I see no point in continuing.
I find myself trying to figure out how to continue with the international aspect of the organization without being involved at the local level. :(
I'm looking to Facebook to keep this feeling alive. Immediately a bunch of us have been adding each other on Facebook and keeping in touch. I'm such a dork. I went back and forth for a couple days, trying to decide whether or not to request him on fb, wondering if he would even accept me. I finally did it and requested him and he accepted me right away. :)
Now I can't stop thinking about him. I'm just a fool. I'm obsessing over a guy that's halfway across the country and he's just too young (only 26!). Who knows when I'll ever see him again? But I just keep thinking about the what-if's - what could've happened if I stayed through Sunday? What could've happened if I had gone for it?
Either way, it was a great trip and I look forward to returning to Chicago (still so much to see!) and maybe one day (hopefully not too far into the future), I will get to see him and everyone again. :)
And again, I am so very thankful and grateful that my college roommate took the train in on Saturday and we got to hang out and that our other college friend also came and took us sightseeing. And she made me yummy banana bread. :)
Let's start from the beginning.
Being me, I left packing until the last minute. I had jury duty the week before Chicago and even though I was home by 5pm every day that week and should have used that time to get all my preparations done, I didn't. I was on a red-eye to Chicago Wednesday night and was working a full day, so it didn't give me much time. I bought all my toiletries Monday night, did laundry on Tuesday night, but did I even start packing? Nope, no I didn't. I came home from work on Wednesday and had 2 hours to pack and get ready before I had to catch the bus to the airport.
I finished packing in time, but didn't have time for a quick shower. Did I mention that I only had about three or four hours of sleep Tuesday night? I always have a hard time sleeping before I fly, but usually have no problem falling asleep on the plane.
Once on the plane, realized why the flight was so cheap. It was like a sardine can in there. When the guy in front of me reclined his seat, he could have used my boobs as pillows. I felt for the guy next to me because he had long legs and absolutely no space. The good thing was that the guy in front of him didn't recline his seat. Who knows what he would have done then. It was completely uncomfortable and neither of us could get any sleep. Next time I'm paying for the $50 seats. (The return flight wasn't so bad, though.)
I arrived in Chicago just before 6am. I was a mess. Once I got my bag, I went into the bathroom to try to freshen up a bit, but I still looked and felt awful. Oh man, I should mention when I walked into the stall at O'Hare, I was like, "WTF??" You're not able to put a seat cover on the toilet. It already has a plastic one on it. You wave your hand in front of it and it automatically changes it to a new one.
I had done some research and found that the easiest and cheapest way from the airport to my hotel was taking the L and it dropped me off about a block and half from my hotel. The train stop is right in the airport and it was easy to buy a cta card and get on. Unfortunately, it was Thursday during rush hour and I was going into the heart of the financial district so the train got pretty packed. It was about an hour to the hotel so I arrived around 7am.
The hotel was fancy. Actually, as my college roommate said when I told her where I was staying, "super fancy." Here I am, just off a red-eye flight, in jeans and a loose t-shirt, looking a mess and walking into a rather posh hotel. Yeah, I felt out of place. And as I thought about the clothes I packed, completely under dressed.
I was able to check-in early without being charged the $25 check-in early fee, but it meant instead of a king size bed, I just got a double. I so didn't care. The conference was starting at 8:45am and I wanted to at least take a shower if I couldn't take a nap. I don't know how I made it through that day. Meeting after meeting from 8:45am to 4:30pm. I hoped to take a quick nap before dinner at 6:30pm but I ended up going to the bar with my old boss and having a couple of drinks while we talked yv business. I had two whiskey sours and I was buzzed. That's usually not enough to affect me, but considering my lack of sleep and the very little food I had (I didn't get breakfast and lunch was on the light side), I was feeling good. I barely had time to go upstairs and change for dinner.
Dinner was on the light side too, so my old boss and I ended up leaving early and going around the corner to eat. We came back and the band had stopped playing, but they had brought out a piano and people were drinking and singing. I was a good girl, though. While a bunch of them went next door to a bar, I went up to my room. It was 10:30 and I was exhausted, but kept thinking, "it's only 8:30pm," so I ended up staying up til around 1am. I overslept the next day. :(
I missed the morning session from 8:45-11am. That sucked because I missed a bunch of tent presentations about events they've had. These presentations serve to give others ideas. From what I heard, I missed some good events. :(
That afternoon, I had another 2 hour break before dinner, and while I had hoped to get away from the hotel for a little bit, I ended up back at the bar with my old boss and had two more whiskey sours. This time, I was well rested and well fed (well, no breakfast again, but still) so they did not affect me like they had the day before.
At the cocktail reception before dinner, I met staff from the WI tent and met the ED from Kansas City. When I was introduced to the Kansas City ED, she exclaimed because she knew me from Facebook (I follow as many tents as I can and comment when possible). The dinner was great and afterwards I stuck to our former yv prez. We were at the hotel bar for awhile before going over to the bar next door.
Have you seen the Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves movie "The Lake House?" The bar next door where everyone kept hanging out was the same bar from the movie. :)
Had a few drinks, met more people and had a meatball sandwich before heading back at 1:30am. I stayed up til about 3am watching tv. I was still on LA time, plus I was putting things away since my college roommate was coming in on Saturday so I didn't want her to walk into a mess.
Saturday was the day I was looking forward to. In the morning was the yv meeting, then we were getting on trolleys to the pier for the kids luncheon, then I actually had five hours of free time before the yv event that evening.
Even though I didn't go to sleep until 3am, I was up bright and early Saturday morning and made it to breakfast. Yum! At the yv meeting, I learned a lot about the other yv's and realized just how different we were (and that's not a good thing). The kids luncheon was on a boat, but it stayed docked. The Illinois tent brought in a bunch of kids groups they support and there was lunch, games, face painting and jewelry making for them. I volunteered for the jewelry making and helped a few make necklaces and bracelets. Unfortunately, many of the beads provided didn't fit the cord provided so options were limited.
I took the trolley back to the hotel with some of the other yv'ers because I was meeting my college roommate and another college friend to go sightseeing around Chicago. It was great to see them. :) We walked round and round, went to the Buckingham Fountain (from the opening credits of Married with Children), went to "the bean" and the spitting fountain. I was starving so I had some Chicago deep stuffed pizza. Went to the cultural arts center, took a photo in front of the famous Chicago theatre and went to the first department store, Marshall Fields (now Macy's). Boy was I tired from all the walking. Five hours of walking! Ok, 1 hour was spent at the restaurant (the pizza takes 40 minutes). We arrived at a good time and were seated immediately. When we left, there were tons of people outside waiting to be seated.
There was still tons to see, but we had to get back and get ready for the yv night at the House of Blues. I didn't mingle much, stuck to my college roommate most of the time, and yet, I agreed to head out to the next bar/club with the group. Here we are, this huge group of people showing up in multiple cabs, to this club with a long-ass line of people waiting to get in and we stroll up to the front. Did I mention we had Mr World and Miss World in tow?
The club was to capacity and we were going to go into the club next door, but as soon as we turned, the doorman called us back and was like, "my bad." He led us around the club to the back door and let us all in. That was the beginning of an incredible night!
The basement of the club was the biggest part, with different rooms and 2 bars and it played 80s music. The upstairs, which the street entrance led into had a smaller dance floor and played pop and hip hop music. We spent quite some time in the basement, drinking, singing along with the music and dancing. We were transported back to our college days. We stuck with the group for a bit, but then my college roommate and I ventured off on our own.
After a couple of hours in the basement, we ended up upstairs and back with the majority of the group. We hit the dance floor and honestly, I danced non-stop for hours. I can't remember the last time I cut loose like that. Not even for my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast on my birthday, I was also hammered that night. But this evening, even though I had been drinking earlier in the evening, I stopped at a certain point and was way sober for the majority of the time at the club.
We were on the dance floor, singing and dancing. My former yv prez said she was so happy to see me cut loose and that it was a completely different side of me. I honestly think if my college roommate hadn't been there, the night would have ended early for me. I probably would have left the House of Blues event early or at the very least, gone back to the hotel instead of going to the club. Her being there was comforting, enabled me to relax and just let me be myself. In college, it was usually the two of us at the parties and dances. We stuck together and had fun.
Aside from the atmosphere of the basement and 80s music, there was another moment that took me back to my college days. I had finally taken a break (I was tired after walking for 5 hours and then dancing non-stop for hours), when a particularly awesome song came on. I was dancing by the tables because the dance floor was packed tight and a guy came up and danced with me. When the song ended, he said thanks and went away. A few moments later, another guy went up to him with drinks and they were getting close. My college roommate and I looked at each other. We couldn't believe it. It was definitely college. It took us back to sophomore year at the notorious Casa party where two of the hottest guys were taking turns dancing with me, "fighting" for my attention. They were gay, by the way. The attention was nice, but of course, it's like "why is it only the gay guys???" So here I was again, a great song had come on and who decides to get freaky with me - the gay guy. :(
My old yv prez is very popular with this crowd as she's been to several of these conferences and there were two guys that were vying for her attention. One she was clearly into as well, so the other one just looked like a sad little puppy following her around and watching her with the other guy. At one point, the sad little puppy grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor with him. It was so nice to dance with him. It would've been nicer if he hadn't spent the entire time we were dancing watching my old yv prez and the other guy. :(
I had obviously seen him throughout the conference and he was one of the hotties in attendance, at least in my opinion. There's just something about those Midwestern boys. And I especially liked how tall he was and he was so funny.
He held me close to his body while we danced and he'd pull my arm around him if I wasn't holding on to him. It felt so good to slide my hand up and down his back and just feel the curve of his body. I was tempted, so tempted to let my hand stray away from his back, further down, sideways, everywhere. But I was a good girl. (nuts!) If he had actually been paying attention to me, there's no telling what I would have done. ;)
I wanted him to hold me tight and look at me the way he was looking at her. I kept thinking about making a move, maybe I would have if I wasn't sober. Watching my old yv prez and the other guy made me long for attention; the way he kissed her shoulders or just simply held her hand. Maybe it's been too long for me, maybe since I tend to feel rather frisky when my time ends (before and during too!), maybe it really wasn't about him, but just my own longings. Either way, I didn't do anything and he certainly didn't do anything, so we both missed out because I can honestly say, if he hadn't been as drunk as he was and if he had paid attention to me, he wouldn't have been the sad little puppy he was.
We left the club at about 3:30am and a group we went with still stayed behind, including the sad puppy. Others had left earlier. I was just amazed that at the time of night, there was still a long line of people waiting to get in. I'm not a club/bar person, but didn't think this was a normal thing, at least not in LA. But what do I know.
When we got back to the hotel, I was still wired so I had trouble going to sleep right away. I wanted to stay up talking, but considering I still had a bunch of meetings, starting at 8:45am before I had to leave for the airport at 3pm, I knew I needed to get some sleep. I fell asleep around 4:30am and was up at 7:30am. That gave me an hour to shower, dress and pack before the 8:45am meeting. My college roommate got to sleep in a little longer and took my luggage down to the hotel lobby at 10:45am. That gave me 15 minutes to check out and check my luggage at the bell desk before running off to my next meeting and lunch.
I was so tired on Sunday and kept dozing off. I felt so bad. And boy was I sore. Either I'm getting old or I need to party like that more often so I'm not sore. OK, I'm getting old. I was still sore on Monday. :(
I don't know at what time the others returned to the hotel because they didn't make it to the morning session or lunch, so I didn't see him before I left.
On Sunday afternoon, I had the same problem taking the train back to the airport that I had coming in on Thursday - a full train. It's so incredibly easy to take the train to and from the airport that the train was full of people and their luggage.
I got some sleep on the flight back and upon landing, the second we were able to turn on our cell phones, the flight attendant immediately announced that Osama bin Laden was dead.
I had a great time in Chicago and wish I could've stayed longer. I learned a lot during the conference and was so happy to meet so many new people within the organization. Before the conference, I was counting the days until the end of my term as secretary, but I came back with renewed excitement, enthusiasm and spirit. I wrote up a 2-page report (I cut out a lot and only put the most relevant and interesting information) for my fellow board members. It only took the hour and a half long board meeting I attended on Tuesday to kill the renewed excitement, enthusiasm and spirit. My board will never change and I see no point in continuing.
I find myself trying to figure out how to continue with the international aspect of the organization without being involved at the local level. :(
I'm looking to Facebook to keep this feeling alive. Immediately a bunch of us have been adding each other on Facebook and keeping in touch. I'm such a dork. I went back and forth for a couple days, trying to decide whether or not to request him on fb, wondering if he would even accept me. I finally did it and requested him and he accepted me right away. :)
Now I can't stop thinking about him. I'm just a fool. I'm obsessing over a guy that's halfway across the country and he's just too young (only 26!). Who knows when I'll ever see him again? But I just keep thinking about the what-if's - what could've happened if I stayed through Sunday? What could've happened if I had gone for it?
Either way, it was a great trip and I look forward to returning to Chicago (still so much to see!) and maybe one day (hopefully not too far into the future), I will get to see him and everyone again. :)
And again, I am so very thankful and grateful that my college roommate took the train in on Saturday and we got to hang out and that our other college friend also came and took us sightseeing. And she made me yummy banana bread. :)
Friday, April 15, 2011
Going to Chi-Town
At the groundbreaking lunch for the new VBGC building today, my yv prez told me that the board member that volunteered to go to the world conference was approved to go and we'd pay for the flight and hotel. Some of us were not too happy about the idea. Usually the yv prez goes to the conference, but she can't go and our vp and treasurer couldn't go either. I wanted to go, but didn't say anything because I wasn't sure I could get the time off. I didn't have enough vacation time saved up.
So, she asks me why I'm not going and said that she prefers I go. She makes an executive decision and says I'm going. Of course, this all hinges on my boss' approval and determining the days I could go. Plus, of course, getting a good price on a flight and if I could still get the convention hotel rate.
Unfortunately, my boss wasn't in the office when I arrived after the groundbreaking so I had to e-mail him and he's notoriously bad at answering e-mails right away.
I found a great deal on a flight, under $300 round trip. Everyone was surprised, especially since the conference is two weeks away.
I didn't even have my boss' approval yet and the board was already told I was going, my flight was booked and my hotel room reserved.
I had also e-mailed my college roommate that lives in Gary that I would be there and we've made plans. Since yv night is Saturday and the event is free and I have a room to myself, she's going to take the train into Chicago on Saturday. Hopefully, we'll be able to squeeze in some sightseeing and it won't be all stuffy conference meetings. ;)
While I'm excited to be going to Chicago, I can't help noting just how much of my life is given to yv, how easily and freely I give my time to yv. My vacation days go to attending/working events. I save up my vacation hours with certain events in mind. Yes, I could have said no today. I can say no any time I'm asked to do or go here or there, but I don't. Will I ever?
There so much politics and drama being involved with yv, it's draining. As my time as secretary winds down, I can't help thinking about making a change, maybe finding a different organization to commit to. I'm so worried that they're going to look to me to be the next prez. I may be getting ahead of myself. I may be giving myself too much credit. I don't know who will be the next prez and even though it was always my hope and intent to be the yv prez, I'm not so sure I want to do it any more.
Too much thinking. I should just enjoy the fact that I'm going to Chicago for a few days (for free!) and get to see my college roommate. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. Think about the new shot glass and postcards I'll add to my collection. :D
So, she asks me why I'm not going and said that she prefers I go. She makes an executive decision and says I'm going. Of course, this all hinges on my boss' approval and determining the days I could go. Plus, of course, getting a good price on a flight and if I could still get the convention hotel rate.
Unfortunately, my boss wasn't in the office when I arrived after the groundbreaking so I had to e-mail him and he's notoriously bad at answering e-mails right away.
I found a great deal on a flight, under $300 round trip. Everyone was surprised, especially since the conference is two weeks away.
I didn't even have my boss' approval yet and the board was already told I was going, my flight was booked and my hotel room reserved.
I had also e-mailed my college roommate that lives in Gary that I would be there and we've made plans. Since yv night is Saturday and the event is free and I have a room to myself, she's going to take the train into Chicago on Saturday. Hopefully, we'll be able to squeeze in some sightseeing and it won't be all stuffy conference meetings. ;)
While I'm excited to be going to Chicago, I can't help noting just how much of my life is given to yv, how easily and freely I give my time to yv. My vacation days go to attending/working events. I save up my vacation hours with certain events in mind. Yes, I could have said no today. I can say no any time I'm asked to do or go here or there, but I don't. Will I ever?
There so much politics and drama being involved with yv, it's draining. As my time as secretary winds down, I can't help thinking about making a change, maybe finding a different organization to commit to. I'm so worried that they're going to look to me to be the next prez. I may be getting ahead of myself. I may be giving myself too much credit. I don't know who will be the next prez and even though it was always my hope and intent to be the yv prez, I'm not so sure I want to do it any more.
Too much thinking. I should just enjoy the fact that I'm going to Chicago for a few days (for free!) and get to see my college roommate. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. Think about the new shot glass and postcards I'll add to my collection. :D
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