Monday, April 11, 2011
At that age
It's official. I've reached the age where everyone is always asking you when you're going to have a baby. It's funny, though, because I never got the "when are you getting married" question. It's just gone straight to "When are you going to have a baby?"
One of my cousins says I need to have a little boy. I say she should have a boy.
And another cousins asks whether or not my mom wants grandchildren. I say my brother will give her grandchildren.
Everyone knows at 14, I knew I wanted to be a mom someday. In my early 20's I said that if I didn't have a baby or wasn't in a serious committed relationship heading towards having a baby by the time I was 30, I would have one on my own. I never once thought I wouldn't have a baby by then.
My life has been up and down and at no time has it ever been the right time. Maybe there's never a right time to have a baby. Maybe you just have to make it work.
Right now, I'm okay not being a mom. I'm trying to be the cool aunt to my nieces. The great thing about having nieces? I can give them back. At the end of the day, when my patience is wearing thin, I can go home and relax, maybe with a drink, maybe with some cake, but definitely alone.
Years ago, I noticed that with each year that went by, not only did I get older, I became more selfish. I like doing what I want, when I want. With kids, you no longer have that luxury. You're responsible for another human being, another life. Someone else is counting on you to come through for them. And that way my life has been the last two years, is no way to raise a baby.
So to answer your question, no, I am not having a baby. Not any time soon. Nor in the foreseeable future.
I am perfectly happy being the "cool" aunt.
(At least I like to think I'm the "cool" aunt.)
One of my cousins says I need to have a little boy. I say she should have a boy.
And another cousins asks whether or not my mom wants grandchildren. I say my brother will give her grandchildren.
Everyone knows at 14, I knew I wanted to be a mom someday. In my early 20's I said that if I didn't have a baby or wasn't in a serious committed relationship heading towards having a baby by the time I was 30, I would have one on my own. I never once thought I wouldn't have a baby by then.
My life has been up and down and at no time has it ever been the right time. Maybe there's never a right time to have a baby. Maybe you just have to make it work.
Right now, I'm okay not being a mom. I'm trying to be the cool aunt to my nieces. The great thing about having nieces? I can give them back. At the end of the day, when my patience is wearing thin, I can go home and relax, maybe with a drink, maybe with some cake, but definitely alone.
Years ago, I noticed that with each year that went by, not only did I get older, I became more selfish. I like doing what I want, when I want. With kids, you no longer have that luxury. You're responsible for another human being, another life. Someone else is counting on you to come through for them. And that way my life has been the last two years, is no way to raise a baby.
So to answer your question, no, I am not having a baby. Not any time soon. Nor in the foreseeable future.
I am perfectly happy being the "cool" aunt.
(At least I like to think I'm the "cool" aunt.)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sexualized re-telling of Sleeping Beauty
This morning I finished reading "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" by A.N. Roquelaure, which is really Anne Rice. It took me about a week to read it considering I finished reading "Second Time Around" by Beth Kendrick at 3:25am Tuesday morning and I started reading it around 7:30pm that evening and it was 74 pages longer.
A friend recommended it after a co-worker recommended it to her. It's a sexual retelling of Sleeping Beauty. It's actually a three-book series. I only bought the first one to see if I liked it and if so, I'd buy the others. The friend that recommended it, responded to the book sexually. As she read it, she went through periods of arousal and discomfort. And of course, she thought it'd be right up my alley. I'm not new to erotica. I'm not talking about romance novels, I'm talking about EROTICA.
So, yes, it's surprising. I did not care for the book. It was difficult to get through it; not because of all the S&M, it just kept putting me to sleep. And there was no arousal, no disgust, no discomfort; just nothing. I've had stronger reactions reading plain old romance novels.
I find no reason to read the next book in the series. Even putting the sex and S&M aside, the story was not compelling and did not leave me wanting more, wanting to know what happens to Sleeping Beauty and all the other sex slaves. blah. very disappointing.
A friend recommended it after a co-worker recommended it to her. It's a sexual retelling of Sleeping Beauty. It's actually a three-book series. I only bought the first one to see if I liked it and if so, I'd buy the others. The friend that recommended it, responded to the book sexually. As she read it, she went through periods of arousal and discomfort. And of course, she thought it'd be right up my alley. I'm not new to erotica. I'm not talking about romance novels, I'm talking about EROTICA.
So, yes, it's surprising. I did not care for the book. It was difficult to get through it; not because of all the S&M, it just kept putting me to sleep. And there was no arousal, no disgust, no discomfort; just nothing. I've had stronger reactions reading plain old romance novels.
I find no reason to read the next book in the series. Even putting the sex and S&M aside, the story was not compelling and did not leave me wanting more, wanting to know what happens to Sleeping Beauty and all the other sex slaves. blah. very disappointing.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Walking east on Missouri
As a child, I walked down Missouri every day during the week on my way to elementary school. As an adult, I rarely walk that route any more, but when I do I am filled with so many memories. The apartments I spent so much time at with my friend. Apartments I wasn't allowed to go to, but yet I did. The corner house I saw moving when the 1987 earthquake hit as I walked to school. The brick wall that stood so high above me as a little girl and now is even with my height. Everything is so clear. When I do walk east on Missouri, I long for those days of my youth. The carefree days with my good friend. The days of calling up party lines and flirting with guys in their 20s (we were only 9, by the way), taking baths together (it's funny that we took turns getting undressed and made the other close her eyes and yet we were taking baths together), learning to shave even though there was no hair on our legs. Every time I walk down that street, I long for my childhood.
Friday, February 11, 2011
5th Annual Pool Tournament
Come and check out YV's 5th Annual Pool Tournament on Wed, Feb 16th at Yankee Doodles in Santa Monica. It's a great event and lots of raffle prizes.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Unclear
Not sure what I'm feeling right now, but I don't like it. I'm all jumbled up. Maybe I should go to sleep and hope it helps to clear things up. And then, maybe I can write about it and surely that will help.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
2011 is my year
According to my horoscope on Yahoo!, 2011 is going to bring money and love. I feel it in my bones that this year is going to be a great year. Even if the first week was shitty, but hey, it'll start turning around for me in a couple of months. :)
Overview
2011 is all about showing Virgo the money. Being the bona fide workaholic of the zodiac, you have certainly earned your right to demand the six figures through long hours and heaps of your own blood, sweat and tears over the past several years. And you've certainly suffered enough losses and endured enough tests of faith in the financial department to prove your substance. As much as you get off on the occasional masochistic work jag, you can't help but wonder when things are going to get easier. Well hang tight Virgin, because the bonus you so desperately need and deserve should arrive between March and June of 2011. A major conglomeration of fiery planets activates your sector of other people's money, including the luckiest planet of them all -- Jupiter. If that doesn't bring some kind of windfall, loan or access to a serious line of credit you're going about your business all kinds of wrong.
You're also getting ready to shed some serious skin starting this March. With Uranus, the change god joining forces with Jupiter in your sector of psychological change: you're preparing to face some serious skeletons in your psychic closet. Rather than applying your brilliant yet critical mind in assessing other people's shortcomings, you're ready to confront your own strengths and weaknesses on a new level. This year favors the clean slate approach to all matters of self-help, renewal and transformation of your personality. You're leaving many aspects of your old self behind in order to become a better and more authentic version of who you really are.
Romantic
Your love life is beyond rich and transformational again this year. After enduring a prolonged deprivation spell (*tell me about it!), where true love seemed like something that only happened to other people, your turn for real love has arrived. Chances are you're already in the midst of a very soulful tryst that began last year. But if you happen to be one of the remaining diehard hermits, get ready to experience one of the most intense romantic encounters of your lifetime. Your birthday season tops the charts in garnishing romance and pleasure, so be sure to take some time off to properly enjoy the amorous gifts of Venus.
You've got two powerful planetary energies working to make your love life the stuff movies and dreams are made of (and for the long haul.) Neptune, the planet of dreams and soulful experience will take up residence in your relationship sector this April to bring you a preview of what's to come for the next fourteen years in radically spiritualizing your relationships. And then Pluto, the god of the underworld continues the excavation begun in 2008 in your romance sector. Over the next 14 years you can count on Pluto to bring unparalleled intensity and reveal hidden aspects of your self through the vehicle of romance. Nothing light or frivolous anymore when it comes to love, Virgo. If it's not a soul connection that will transform every fiber of your being, you'll quickly lose interest.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
2011
I started out the year at Disneyland. I had originally wanted to go on New Year's Eve, but Uni and SadRomeo had previous engagements and everyone kept saying how crazy crowded Disneyland is on New Year's Eve, so New Year's Day it was. It was cold, but not too crowded, so the lines weren't very long to get on the rides. In the evening, I got soaked on Pirates of the Caribbean and was freezing, so I ended up having to shell out money for a sweatshirt and they are not cheap there. I was so warm and comfy I didn't want to leave anymore. :)
After a great start to the new year, I don't know what happened. All week I've felt off somehow. My sleep has been off. I'm totally tired, but can't get to sleep. And then I can't get up in the morning. At work I've been sleepy and slower than usual; just really not wanting to be there. I don't know if I'm getting sick or what it is that's come over me this week. I feel like something is missing; something's not quite right, but I can't put my finger on it.
After 2009, 2010 was a year of recovery and definitely a 100 times better than 2009. I spent most weekends at the movies, especially after I got my free pass at work.
But 2010 can best be summed up with two letters - YV. As Secretary, I was involved in all aspects of YV and all the events we had. I never missed a meeting (god do I hate writing minutes!) and only missed 2 events, both in March (one I was sick and the other, well, it was in Vegas and I didn't get to go). After those two, I didn't miss a single YV event. We can't forget the Variety events I also attended, helped plan or worked.
I lived and breathed YV and I have to admit it did start to be too much. By the end of the year, I was counting the number of events before I had a break. The break was short-lived. Technically, there was no break. Just three days before Christmas we were already meeting and talking and planning the January meeting and 2011. And things happened in December that made me question why I continue to work as much as I do on YV. It feels like no matter what I do, how hard I work, I'm still on the outside looking in; I'm not part of the inner circle. Back in September, we, the officers, were already talking about the next set of officers, even though it was still over a year away, and they were saying I should be the next prez. Obviously, if you know me, then you know that was always my goal, but now, I don't want to do it. I don't want to be an officer. I don't want to deal with all this drama and crap. I'm asking myself if I even want to be involved with them. I'm beginning to think it's time to go back to my roots, to go back to my community or look elsewhere to fill my desire to help.
I hope this year is calmer and has less drama, but who knows. I already feel myself scaling back in response to everyone else, so we'll see how the year goes.
There are changes at work because my boss left at the end of the year, so I have to see how things settle down. When my boss announced she was leaving, I started to think it was time for me to leave the Industry, maybe go to a non-profit. My boss was the only reason I stayed there so long. That and the fact I was able to spend as much time as I needed on YV since she's the vp, but let's face it, the position is way beneath my level. I need something more challenging. I now have a few more responsibilities, so I'm waiting to see how things change and then I'll decide what my next step should be.
I have all the best hopes for 2011, but I sure would like to know why I've been so down this past week. Hopefully, this upcoming week will be better.
After a great start to the new year, I don't know what happened. All week I've felt off somehow. My sleep has been off. I'm totally tired, but can't get to sleep. And then I can't get up in the morning. At work I've been sleepy and slower than usual; just really not wanting to be there. I don't know if I'm getting sick or what it is that's come over me this week. I feel like something is missing; something's not quite right, but I can't put my finger on it.
After 2009, 2010 was a year of recovery and definitely a 100 times better than 2009. I spent most weekends at the movies, especially after I got my free pass at work.
But 2010 can best be summed up with two letters - YV. As Secretary, I was involved in all aspects of YV and all the events we had. I never missed a meeting (god do I hate writing minutes!) and only missed 2 events, both in March (one I was sick and the other, well, it was in Vegas and I didn't get to go). After those two, I didn't miss a single YV event. We can't forget the Variety events I also attended, helped plan or worked.
I lived and breathed YV and I have to admit it did start to be too much. By the end of the year, I was counting the number of events before I had a break. The break was short-lived. Technically, there was no break. Just three days before Christmas we were already meeting and talking and planning the January meeting and 2011. And things happened in December that made me question why I continue to work as much as I do on YV. It feels like no matter what I do, how hard I work, I'm still on the outside looking in; I'm not part of the inner circle. Back in September, we, the officers, were already talking about the next set of officers, even though it was still over a year away, and they were saying I should be the next prez. Obviously, if you know me, then you know that was always my goal, but now, I don't want to do it. I don't want to be an officer. I don't want to deal with all this drama and crap. I'm asking myself if I even want to be involved with them. I'm beginning to think it's time to go back to my roots, to go back to my community or look elsewhere to fill my desire to help.
I hope this year is calmer and has less drama, but who knows. I already feel myself scaling back in response to everyone else, so we'll see how the year goes.
There are changes at work because my boss left at the end of the year, so I have to see how things settle down. When my boss announced she was leaving, I started to think it was time for me to leave the Industry, maybe go to a non-profit. My boss was the only reason I stayed there so long. That and the fact I was able to spend as much time as I needed on YV since she's the vp, but let's face it, the position is way beneath my level. I need something more challenging. I now have a few more responsibilities, so I'm waiting to see how things change and then I'll decide what my next step should be.
I have all the best hopes for 2011, but I sure would like to know why I've been so down this past week. Hopefully, this upcoming week will be better.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Merry Christmas!!
Friday, December 24, 2010
A part of me feels like I'm supposed to be at work today, but thankfully we got today off. Of course, I woke up with my head pounding and a runny nose, but after popping 3 excedrin and blowing my nose, those symptoms are dissipating. Now I'm sitting on the couch eating yummy ginger cookies a co-worker made while playing bejeweled on facebook and watching tv. Laziness has takes root. Thank goodness I wrapped all my gifts last night.
Well, not all of them. I still have to get something for my brother's girlfriend, but she was supposed to go home yesterday for Christmas, so I have more time. I say supposed to because I got a text message from her this morning asking if I bought a case for the kindle I got for my sister because my brother wanted to get a case for it if I didn't. So, again, I say supposed to because my brother didn't text me himself, and he was supposed to be home yesterday since she was leaving and he's been at her apartment while she's been here, so if she left, he was supposed to come home. Crap, I hope she left, that way I still have time to get her something.
Oh man, I still have to get my cousin's girlfriend's gift too. She got me the Despicable Me Minion Madness double dvd's and I have no idea what to get her.
Christmas came up way too fast. They year just flew by. Time got away from me. I haven't even done my Christmas cards. I just don't know where it all went.
I had thought of writing a year in review letter to go along with the Christmas card, but all I could think of to write was, "Young Variety. 'Nuff said."
I think that pretty much sums up my year, no? Everything I did had to do with Young Variety or Variety itself. If we're friends on facebook, you saw that in all my fb status messages. Even on twitter.
And now the year has come to an end, but I don't really get a break. I have to start getting the January board meeting together and our big event of the year, the pool tournament, is coming up quickly and I need to get volunteers and photographers for it. So my last official event may have been the luncheon on the 16th, but there is still no end, no break.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas has come and gone. Friday night was spent at my uncle's house with the family. Damn! there are a lot of us! Too many. It took us 2 hours and 15 minutes to give open all the presents. It was less time than the last time we were all together for Christmas Eve in 2007, but it still felt like it took forever. And not all the little ones made it. I really think we need to start opening gifts earlier.
I came away with a handbag (one of my aunts just won't let it go and stop giving me handbags), an evening purse, a Starbucks gift card, a tunic with scarf, a sweater and a Hershey's pot to make hot chocolate. From my immediate family I got a new tv that's currently hooked up in the living room, a closet cube organizer, and 2 pillow pets (a ladybug and panda!). Dude, I can't deny it, I was so excited when I opened the pillow pets. :D
Technically, I also got the Despicable Me Minion Madness Double dvd from my cousin's girlfriend (as mentioned above) and another handbag from another friend. Though, is it still considered a Christmas present if while shopping, you hold two handbags up to your friend and ask, "which one are you buying me for Christmas?" ;-D
Overall, a good time was spent with the family on Christmas Eve. I spent most of the time playing with the little ones or my uncle's tiny pups. Apparently, attention was paid on Friday to the fact that I'm always playing with the little ones or dogs, so I'm either going to have kids or pets when I "grow up." Not sure how my family didn't realize this earlier.
Here's a little video of my niece dancing when they put music on. She's too cute. She'll be 1 in January, but she's already so big and has such a great personality.
Christmas Day was spent at home not doing much. I spent the better part of the day and evening online playing games on facebook and watching tv in mom's room since everyone else (mom, sister and brother) were watching basketball and football in the living room on my brand new tv.
Why is my new tv in the living room, you ask? Well, we had a really old tv in the living room. It still works great, but it's so old that even though we have dvr through direct tv, i can only record one show at a time and I can't change the channel while it's recording. So my new tv is in the living room for now until a new tv is bought when the living room is remodeled. (Our kitchen is currently being remodeled and we're working our way through the house.) My sister spent all day trying to hook up the tv and receiver to record multiple shows at the same time, but we couldn't get it to work. She's going to try again tomorrow. She gave up and just watched sports instead.
And now that it's 2am and everyone else is asleep, I figured I'd finish writing this post. And now I'm sleepy, so I'm going to take my pillow pets and Dorsey and go to bed. He's been sleeping with me these last few days. I'm a little worried, he seems sad. But it's nice to have him to cuddle with.
I'll end this post by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and hope it was filled with love and laughter.
A part of me feels like I'm supposed to be at work today, but thankfully we got today off. Of course, I woke up with my head pounding and a runny nose, but after popping 3 excedrin and blowing my nose, those symptoms are dissipating. Now I'm sitting on the couch eating yummy ginger cookies a co-worker made while playing bejeweled on facebook and watching tv. Laziness has takes root. Thank goodness I wrapped all my gifts last night.
Well, not all of them. I still have to get something for my brother's girlfriend, but she was supposed to go home yesterday for Christmas, so I have more time. I say supposed to because I got a text message from her this morning asking if I bought a case for the kindle I got for my sister because my brother wanted to get a case for it if I didn't. So, again, I say supposed to because my brother didn't text me himself, and he was supposed to be home yesterday since she was leaving and he's been at her apartment while she's been here, so if she left, he was supposed to come home. Crap, I hope she left, that way I still have time to get her something.
Oh man, I still have to get my cousin's girlfriend's gift too. She got me the Despicable Me Minion Madness double dvd's and I have no idea what to get her.
Christmas came up way too fast. They year just flew by. Time got away from me. I haven't even done my Christmas cards. I just don't know where it all went.
I had thought of writing a year in review letter to go along with the Christmas card, but all I could think of to write was, "Young Variety. 'Nuff said."
I think that pretty much sums up my year, no? Everything I did had to do with Young Variety or Variety itself. If we're friends on facebook, you saw that in all my fb status messages. Even on twitter.
And now the year has come to an end, but I don't really get a break. I have to start getting the January board meeting together and our big event of the year, the pool tournament, is coming up quickly and I need to get volunteers and photographers for it. So my last official event may have been the luncheon on the 16th, but there is still no end, no break.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas has come and gone. Friday night was spent at my uncle's house with the family. Damn! there are a lot of us! Too many. It took us 2 hours and 15 minutes to give open all the presents. It was less time than the last time we were all together for Christmas Eve in 2007, but it still felt like it took forever. And not all the little ones made it. I really think we need to start opening gifts earlier.
I came away with a handbag (one of my aunts just won't let it go and stop giving me handbags), an evening purse, a Starbucks gift card, a tunic with scarf, a sweater and a Hershey's pot to make hot chocolate. From my immediate family I got a new tv that's currently hooked up in the living room, a closet cube organizer, and 2 pillow pets (a ladybug and panda!). Dude, I can't deny it, I was so excited when I opened the pillow pets. :D
Technically, I also got the Despicable Me Minion Madness Double dvd from my cousin's girlfriend (as mentioned above) and another handbag from another friend. Though, is it still considered a Christmas present if while shopping, you hold two handbags up to your friend and ask, "which one are you buying me for Christmas?" ;-D
Overall, a good time was spent with the family on Christmas Eve. I spent most of the time playing with the little ones or my uncle's tiny pups. Apparently, attention was paid on Friday to the fact that I'm always playing with the little ones or dogs, so I'm either going to have kids or pets when I "grow up." Not sure how my family didn't realize this earlier.
Here's a little video of my niece dancing when they put music on. She's too cute. She'll be 1 in January, but she's already so big and has such a great personality.
Christmas Day was spent at home not doing much. I spent the better part of the day and evening online playing games on facebook and watching tv in mom's room since everyone else (mom, sister and brother) were watching basketball and football in the living room on my brand new tv.
Why is my new tv in the living room, you ask? Well, we had a really old tv in the living room. It still works great, but it's so old that even though we have dvr through direct tv, i can only record one show at a time and I can't change the channel while it's recording. So my new tv is in the living room for now until a new tv is bought when the living room is remodeled. (Our kitchen is currently being remodeled and we're working our way through the house.) My sister spent all day trying to hook up the tv and receiver to record multiple shows at the same time, but we couldn't get it to work. She's going to try again tomorrow. She gave up and just watched sports instead.
And now that it's 2am and everyone else is asleep, I figured I'd finish writing this post. And now I'm sleepy, so I'm going to take my pillow pets and Dorsey and go to bed. He's been sleeping with me these last few days. I'm a little worried, he seems sad. But it's nice to have him to cuddle with.
I'll end this post by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and hope it was filled with love and laughter.
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