Lady Chatterley's Lover

It took me two weeks to read Lady Chatterley's Lover by DH Lawrence. A week and half of that was the first 50-75 pages. Boring. Very wordy. Or as my co-worker said, "verbose." He read three books, including Lady Chatterley's Lover, in the time I read the one book.

Once the affair started, well, that's when it got good. ;)

As much as I enjoyed reading all the sexual parts, what I didn't care for was Lawrence's ultimate portrayal of women. In the beginning, she's independent, intelligent; her own woman. Once she sexually connects with her lover and thus really falls in love, she becomes clingy and whiny. She constantly asks him to kiss her, to tell her he loves her. She clings to him and doesn't want him to leave her.

In the book, he's been hurt in the past and has closed himself off to women; doesn't want anything to do with them. Yet, there's something about Lady Chatterley that draws him in. And even though he starts to withdraw from her when she gets clingy and whiny, ultimately their sexual connection is too strong for him to fight against and he succumbs to her. He continues to remain distant, though, aloof almost, and you don't really believe he loves her until the end when he writes to her when they're apart.

Like Ginnifer Goodwin's character, Gigi, in "He's Just Not That Into You," says at the beginning of the movie, females are trained from an early age to fall for the jerks, the ones that pull your hair and call you names on the playground. We're told they do that because they "like" us. So we spend our entire lives going after the wrong guys; we fall for the jerks.

And Lady Chatterley's Lover even reinforces that sentiment, to a degree. He's distant, emotionally closed off, seems to mock her in their first meetings and as I mentioned, you don't really believe he loves her. The only difference is their sexual connection. Within it, they achieve true intimacy. Her total submission to him and enjoyment draws him into her. He desires her. He loves her.

And while I detest that she becomes clingy and whiny, the female I fear deep down inside of becoming, I love that he depicts how important sex is to truly connect with someone and how through that connection, you really live.

So long 2011, Welcome 2012!

First post of 2012 - yay!


Sorry it's already 2 weeks in. I've been meaning to write, but then I get distracted or occupied with something else. 


To say I'm glad 2011 is over is an understatement. It was a hellish year. There were a few good things (Tiny's wedding and getting to see old college friends), but overall, I'm happy to put 2011 behind me and look to 2012 for bigger and better things. :)


I spent New Year's Eve at home with the family playing Monopoly. It was the first time my brother's girlfriend played, not only with us, but ever, so she got to see what a big fat cheater he is and sore loser.


On New Year's Day, I went with Uni & Ro to Universal Studios for the day. I'd never been and with the purchase of one days admission, I got an annual pass so I can go back anytime I want (some blackout dates). Thanks Uni & Ro! They already had annual passes and they generously bought mine even though I told them it wasn't necessary. We had a good time. We didn't hit every ride; just took our time moving through the park, talking and eating. We have a whole year to go back and see everything.

Last year we went to Disneyland on New Year's Day, so we think it would be fun to hit different amusement parks every New Year's Day. You know, start a little tradition. :)  I'm hoping we can also hit Sea World in SD. I've never been either, so that would be cool.


The new year has brought a new niece. This time from one of my male cousins. Actually, it's the first male cousin to have kids. :)  Say hello to Summer Rylie!  (Yup, that's how they spelled her middle name.)

On Christmas Day, my cousin (finally!) proposed to his girlfriend. (They're celebrating their 7th anniversary this weekend.) Unfortunately, no wedding this year. She wants plenty of time to plan. They've set the date for next August. I really tried to get her to get married on my birthday since it's on a Saturday next year and that way, I don't have to worry about my birthday. I think that's why my 30th was so great, because my friend got married that day and took focus off my big 30th. ;)

To my great dismay, I realized that I only read 2 books last year. ack! And I only read double that in 2010. Bad faded_girl, bad! So while I'm not big on making New Year's Resolutions, I did resolve to read more this year. I'm happy to report that I've already read four books; three of them in this week alone. My boss gave me an Amazon gift card for Christmas, so I bought a bunch of dvd's I wanted that were on sale and then I went and bought a bunch of books too, even though I already have a crapload of books I still haven't read. I figured an infusion of new chick lit books would help me get back into the swing of things and then I could start in on the books I already have.

A great motivator is also my co-worker. Last year was the second year, I think, that he read a total of 50 books during the year and he made it a goal to do that again this year. I still say his goal should be 52, one a week, but he ignores me. The first week of January, he was gloating that he had already finished his first book of the new year, so I hauled ass to finish "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."

I say "hauled ass" because I wasn't very into the book. I love "Pride and Prejudice," everyone knows that, and I figured there would be some changes to some parts with the insertion of the zombies. What I didn't expect was for the author to take certain liberties that I didn't agree with, specifically dealing with Elizabeth and Charlotte. I was grateful that he didn't change the last couple of chapters too much, the story stayed intact and the zombies were only a side note.

After that I read three of my chick lit books easily while my co-worker read his second book. He makes fun of me for my chick lit books and tells me I'm allowed to gloat when I read a "real" book. When I finished my third book he said it wasn't a competition because we're not reading the same books, so we agreed to read "Lady Chatterley's Lover" together. He's finished his second book and I finished my fourth book, so we're starting our "real" book this weekend. I have to get started tomorrow. Like I said, our back and forth teasing and egging each other on is a great motivator. ;)

I leave you now with some photos from the last three months of 2011.

Tiny's Bachelorette Dinner with the Carleton girls.

On the Golden Gate Bridge

The Carleton Wedding Photo

My Girls at Thanksgiving

Variety's Santa Walk

Christmas Eve

Last Dinner with Friends of 2011

Away...

Monday, October 10, 2011 5:00PM

You better be OK because you have me all kinds of worried. So much so that I e-mailed your mother on FB. I'm hoping you lost or broke your phone and that's why your calls go straight to voice mail. Please, one little sign of life...

Tuesday, October 11, 2011 10:42AM

Are you OK? What's going on?? I AM FREAKING OUT SO JUST REPLY WITH ONE WORD SO I KNOW YOU'RE OKAY!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011 9:47PM

My mind has gone from sheer panic that something has happened to you to concern. I am pretty sure that you are physically OK, but I am worried. I'm perplexed, don't understand what's going on; heck, I don't even know what's going on. I know your FB page is gone (or you've blocked me) and your cell number is no longer in service. And no one seems to want to answer my e-mails asking if you were OK. Whatever is going on, please know that I am here if you want to talk, yell & vent, anything you need, I am here

Wednesday, October 12, 2011 2:45PM

Please. I'm a worrywart to begin with and not hearing from you and not knowing if you're OK is killing me. I hold onto the fact that only you could disable your Facebook profile as a sign that you're OK, but deep down I know you're not. Please, let me be selfish, ease my worry and tell me what's going on. Think of me and let me do whatever I can to help. Please.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011 7:31PM

I came to check on you. I have no idea if you're even home or in LA, but I couldn't sit around waiting. I had to at least try. Please call.

Thursday, October 13, 2011 7:41PM

Nothing makes sense. I don't know where you are or what's going on. I don't understand why no one will tell me. How long am I supposed to go on without hearing from you or seeing you? I don't even know if you're getting these e-mails, but e-mailing you is the only thing I can think of doing to stay connected, to let you know that you're not alone, that someone is here for you. I cling to little things as signs that you're OK, that maybe you just need time. They don't make sense, but they're all I have. I don't want to think about the alternative. The alternative makes even less sense to me. I just want to know. I need to know that you're OK. Or that you're not OK. I just need to know something because this not knowing is killing me. It's tearing me up inside and it hurts too much. I know it's completely selfish, but I don't care; at least then I'd know and I'd know what to do to help. Please, I'm begging you, please come back, please call me.

Friday, October 14, 2011 9:08PM

Don't think I forgot about you. It's been a long day and it's not even close to being over. I have the Halloween Carnival tomorrow so I'm trying to get everything done. I thought focusing on that would help, but I was wrong. I think about you and the boys not being there and my heart aches. I really don't know how I'm even functioning because I can't stop thinking about you. My mind comes up with all these different scenarios and I get all worked up. My mind always gets ahead of me and not in a good way. Where are you? How are you? What's going on? These are simple questions with no answers. I wish someone would tell me. I wish you would tell me. I wish you would walk through the gate and across the field. All I can do is keep praying that my wishes come true.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011 5:55PM

I've been told by a credible source that you are back east with your parents and that you are not physically ill or hurt. But I still don't know or understand what's going on and while I am still worried about you, I am no longer panicking that you're dead in a ditch or in a hospital. Yes, my mind went there. I told you, my worry gets out of control and goes to all sorts of extremes. Don't think that just because I know where you are and that you're not physically hurt it means I don't want to hear from you. Because I DO! I'm here. Don't ever forget that. Whatever you need, I am here.

I e-mail him every day, hoping one day he will respond....

Disconnect

For the past year or so, I've felt a huge disconnect between most of my friends and I. It's neither good nor bad. Well, at first I thought it was bad, real bad, but now it's sinking in more that this is just life. Our lives are constantly moving and changing. Every decision we make takes us farther away from some people and closer to others. We change jobs or get promotions, move houses or apartments, join associations - all of these things affect our inner circle. Sometimes we lose friends, but most of the time we make new ones.

As much as I feel like an outsider, I can't deny that these people have become a part of my inner circle. They are the ones I'm in constant contact with; e-mailing throughout the day, every day. We disagree and argue, but then we're smiling and laughing. You share inside jokes and new experiences. I may not run to them crying, but then again, I'm not exactly running and crying to anyone else either.

Sometimes the unbearable loneliness floats up and tears fill my eyes, but I take a deep breath, wipe my eyes and tell myself it's OK because I have a lot of good things in my life. I'd rather be alone than feel like I'm begging people to spend time with me.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm so not. I have friends I'm a bad friend to also. One in particular that I've been avoiding like the plague because she annoys me so much.

The point I'm trying to make is that it's OK. I'll be here when you need me, even if I'm not holding my breath you'll be there when I need you, especially if you don't answer my calls or text messages. We all have other commitments and we'll come back to one another when we can...or not, and that's OK too. The friendship was there when we had it and we have good memories. Life moves fast. Life changes, our circles change and it's OK.

Dinner at Morton's

I've always had issues about my birthday. Months before I'm super excited and thinking about what fun things I'm going to do to celebrate it, but as the day actually gets closer, it turns into a dreadful thing I'd rather not think about it. I can't actually pinpoint when this started to happen, but it's definitely been prevalent during the last few years. I know it upsets my closest friends because they want to make plans and I just want to ignore it.

This year, Michael ended up not making it to my birthday dinner because of an issue with one of the boys. I told him not to worry about me and just take care of them and that was that.

He's been having a hard time because the boys are no longer with him, so I text him last week about getting together for dinner. The boys were with him for 5 or 6 years; his whole world revolved around them, so it's not easy to transition back to being on his own.

He had plans for Thursday and then had the boys over the weekend, so he said we could have dinner early this week and that it would be a belated birthday dinner. On Sunday I text him to let me know when he wanted to have dinner and we agreed on Monday.

I told him to choose the place and to just let me know where to meet him. He said he had the perfect place and we agreed to meet in DTLA at 7pm. He offered to pick me up at work, but I didn't see a point to him going all the way to the South Bay to get me when he lives in DTLA to begin with and it's super easy for me to get to DTLA.

I made into to DTLA super early, so I sat at the Starbucks next to Morton's looking over some game ideas for the Halloween carnival, while I waited.

When he arrived, we went inside and had a drink at the bar while we waited for our table to be ready. They asked if we were celebrating a special occasion and he kept saying it was my birthday and I'd say it wasn't really, that it had already passed, but no matter, everyone kept wishing me a happy birthday.

When they seated us, the waiter said someone had left the flowers on our table. I wasn't really paying attention and thought the flowers were just a part of the decor until Michael started digging into them, looking for the card and then I looked around and noticed that none of the other tables had flowers. Michael had ordered them and had them delivered to the restaurant for me. He said he had even called ahead to make sure they had arrived. The maitre d' then came and set the card in front of me.

Everyone that came to the table wished me a happy birthday.

And even the menu wished me a happy birthday.

Oh boy, I looked at the menu and my jaw dropped at the prices. Michael told me not to worry about anything, to get whatever I wanted; he wanted dinner to be special.

The food was so good. We were eating and drinking, talking and laughing. It was a wonderfully delicious night.

I still had my drink from the bar when we sat down for dinner and it took me a while to drink it. He kept insisting I order another drink and threatened to order for me if I didn't. I had another drink during dinner and then he said I needed a dessert drink. We had ordered souffles at the beginning (I had never had a souffle.), so he ended up ordering a chocotini for me. It was delicious. I was already getting fuzzy and warm with the second drink so the chocotini just sent me over the edge. With that third drink, it wouldn't have been a good idea to take the train home and he couldn't drive me home either as he had had even more to drink than me.

After dinner, we went back to his place because it was just down the street. My cousin was coming to pick me up. We had another drink while we waited and talked. He served me white wine with orange juice. He knows I don't drink wine (I have to be drunk to drink it, same with beer.), but he said the orange juice would cover the taste and boy did it. I gulped that glass down. ;)

It was the most romantic evening I've ever spent. He made me feel so special and wonderful. It was a little confusing though, but Mari said not to over-think it and try to categorize the evening. Basically, don't be me; just appreciate the evening for what it was, archive it as one of the best evenings I've ever had, and just enjoy the friendship.

Talk about "High & Proud"

Mom's Birthday Dinner - July 2, 2011

My Birthday Dinner - September 3, 2011

Even though the two dresses have different cuts, you can definitely tell the difference in my boobs. Ahh, what a difference a bra makes.

I liked the girls being so high and proud, but I was so self-conscious about it. I felt naked, doubly so because I was wearing contacts. Uni says I use my glasses as a shield. Regardless of whether or not that's true, I feel comfortable with them. I think my face has shaped itself around them. I mean, I've worn glasses since I was 9 years old; they've become a part of me. So when I don't wear them, I think my face looks weird. I think I look pretty cute in the top picture; not so much in the bottom one.

Even though I was self-conscious about my boobs being so out there, I did think I looked amazing on Saturday and it felt great.

Here's a full picture. You can't see my shoes, though. They were gold wedge sandals. So darn cute!

And my purse was also gold and sparkly. :)

High and proud

My birthday treat to myself, aside from getting my nails and eyebrows done? Two new bras. WOW what a difference new bras make.

My cousin saw me the other day and I was wearing one of the new bras and she was like, "You bitch!"

My now 33 year old boobs look more like my 28 year old boobs. OK, they look more like 25 year old boobs; high and proud. :-)

Last few hours of 32

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Tomorrow I will be 33 years old.

Certainly not a kid anymore, but I don't feel like an adult either.

Spending my last couple of hours as a 32 year old playing games online, listening to music and doing laundry.

I may or may not shave my legs as well. Laziness will undoubtedly take over and I'll just shave them tomorrow night.

At least I got my nails and eyebrows done over the weekend.

Times like these, I hate being female. Especially when mother nature decides to be funny and sends you your period on your birthday. Thanks for the gift.

I may also go to bed early so as not to be awake when the big day arrives.

Happy Birthday to me.

Boobies

I was looking through some photos of myself that I took in 2006 and then I looked down at myself and realized that my (almost) 33 year old breasts are quite different from my 28 year old breasts. And realizing they need a whole lot more support than they use to was especially difficult.

I've always liked my breasts. Still do. But even I have to admit that they're not what they used to be. That makes me sad. :(

I'm being a very bad girl.... ;)