In two weeks I will be on my third day with him. We will be in NC for our first visit together as a couple. I cannot wait! I am so excited!
I know the hardest part will be leaving him. I know I won't want to let him go. :(
He sent me the most beautiful e-mail on my birthday, professing his love and desires for our future. I truly am the luckiest girl in the world.
I am anxious for our life together to begin. We don't have a timeline, yet, though. We're still waiting because we don't know where he's going to relocate for work yet. Each day without him gets harder and harder. He wants me to remain engaged in my life here, but to me it's a world I am no longer a part of; a life no longer mine. Very little has meaning to me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not turning my back on my friends...but work and even my activities are just a drag now. More than half the time I sit there wondering what I am even doing there. I've cut back quite a bit on my activities, taking my name off events and working only those I had already started.
I have to admit, though, while it was nice not to be engaged in my activities for two months (no e-mails, no dealing with stupidity), I almost dropped the ball big time and effed up a big event that would have disappointed kids more than myself. Thankfully, some friends helped me and saved my ass big time. So now I'm just trying to tie up the last few things and not take on anything else.
I have never been this happy and I can't wait for our adventure to begin. <3
Monday, September 3, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Brighter Than Sunshine
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.
Suddenly you're mine
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.
From This Moment On
I give my hand to you with all my heart
I can't wait to live my life with you I can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing, I wouldn't give
From this moment on
I can't wait to live my life with you I can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing, I wouldn't give
From this moment on
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
He always knew
He told me today that he always knew how I felt. He also knew when I got frustrated and gave up. I really am not good at hiding when I have feelings for someone, huh?
I've always thought things happen for a reason, so while it may have been frustrating back then to have my feelings not acknowledged or reciprocated, I know it was because it wasn't time for us and with everything that is happening now, I'm glad it wasn't right back then. ;)
He's turned me into such a giddy schoolgirl. When I told one of my male friends about him, he scolded me, saying to use a normal voice like a big girl, that I wasn't in grade school.
His first name starts with an M too. Yup, we're M&M. (I haven't pointed this out to him, so if he's reading this, he's probably thinking, "oh gawd, what have I gotten myself into it??")
I can't help it. I'm so happy. He makes me so happy. :D
I've always thought things happen for a reason, so while it may have been frustrating back then to have my feelings not acknowledged or reciprocated, I know it was because it wasn't time for us and with everything that is happening now, I'm glad it wasn't right back then. ;)
He's turned me into such a giddy schoolgirl. When I told one of my male friends about him, he scolded me, saying to use a normal voice like a big girl, that I wasn't in grade school.
His first name starts with an M too. Yup, we're M&M. (I haven't pointed this out to him, so if he's reading this, he's probably thinking, "oh gawd, what have I gotten myself into it??")
I can't help it. I'm so happy. He makes me so happy. :D
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Dreams coming true
I am so happy...every thing I've always wanted in my life is actually within my reach and I feel truly alive.
It's not an easy road. A lot of things are going to change, but I've never been more sure about anything else in my life. I'm going for it, taking the chance.
When he first shared this song with me, I took it like I was the singer, telling him to hold on and we'd get through everything. But the truth is, it was meant to allay my fears and doubt.
It's kind of like our song...
Distance separates us, but that won't last long...I'm all in and willing to do whatever it takes. He fills me with so much happiness and warmth. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can't believe it's really happening, BUT IT IS! :D
He's my dork and makes me so happy.
It's not an easy road. A lot of things are going to change, but I've never been more sure about anything else in my life. I'm going for it, taking the chance.
When he first shared this song with me, I took it like I was the singer, telling him to hold on and we'd get through everything. But the truth is, it was meant to allay my fears and doubt.
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
It's kind of like our song...
Distance separates us, but that won't last long...I'm all in and willing to do whatever it takes. He fills me with so much happiness and warmth. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can't believe it's really happening, BUT IT IS! :D
He's my dork and makes me so happy.
Friday, June 1, 2012
My Sweet Gaby
She would have been 23 years old today.
I still can't believe she's gone. She's been gone for four years. I will never see her walk down the aisle or give birth.
I miss you Gaby.
You will always be with me. I will always love you, my sweet sweet Gaby.
I still can't believe she's gone. She's been gone for four years. I will never see her walk down the aisle or give birth.
I miss you Gaby.
You will always be with me. I will always love you, my sweet sweet Gaby.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Love Born from Friendship
That is the love I’ve always believed in. Not so much love at first sight, though I do believe you instantly know upon meeting or seeing someone whether there’s the potential for something more. But a true, everlasting love, I believe is born from friendship.
The other day I watched the Anne Hathaway movie, “One Day.” It is about two people that meet and almost sleep together, but end up being best friends. For the next 20 years, we see how they spend the anniversary of their meeting. Every year on July 15th (the day they met and spent together), they make a point to connect; whether it’s helping the other move into a new apartment or just a chat on the phone. We see their lives progress or stand still, significant others come in and out of the picture, their friendship has its ups and downs, but what remains clear is that they mean a great deal to each other, but the timing has always been off. They need to grow apart in order to grow back together.
I won’t spoil the ending for you, but it was brutal. When the movie was over, I sobbed for at least 10 minutes. I think it was actually longer.
All these thoughts about love and relationships have already been floating in my head and this movie just pushed me over the edge. I dug deep within myself and all I could see was Reese Witherspoon telling Patrick Dempsey, “I gave my heart away a long time ago and I never really got it back.” (Yes, that’s from “Sweet Home Alabama;” further proof that movies and books have ruined me.)
It’s true.
I gave my heart away and I never got it back.
I never saw it coming. Probably too involved in my various other crushes to notice he had snuck into my heart. I was completely in love by the time I even realized I liked him more than just a friend. Others saw it before I did. He was my best friend. And when he started to pull away, that’s when I knew just how much I loved him.
When my heart was broken, I kept telling myself that we were meant to be. The signs were there. How could he not see them? They pointed to our being together. He was my soul mate. The strength I needed. The laughter when I thought all hope was gone. He was always there, so I never understood why he didn’t love me.
We grew apart.
We’ve grown apart.
Still in each other’s lives, but not really a part of them.
I look at him and think I don’t know him. Not like I used to. He’s not the boy I knew and loved.
I don’t think he knows me anymore. And I know I’m not the girl he knew. I stopped being her a long time ago.
So the question remains. Do I still think we’re meant to be together? Is that why I’ve closed myself off and don’t let anyone in? Do I believe he will wake up one day and realize he loves me, always has and finally, we will be together?
Or do I just live in a fantasy land?
It’s been 16 years. It’s time to let go. To let him go.
Maybe in another life, the boy and girl will finally connect.
But it’s clear, it’s not this life.
The other day I watched the Anne Hathaway movie, “One Day.” It is about two people that meet and almost sleep together, but end up being best friends. For the next 20 years, we see how they spend the anniversary of their meeting. Every year on July 15th (the day they met and spent together), they make a point to connect; whether it’s helping the other move into a new apartment or just a chat on the phone. We see their lives progress or stand still, significant others come in and out of the picture, their friendship has its ups and downs, but what remains clear is that they mean a great deal to each other, but the timing has always been off. They need to grow apart in order to grow back together.
I won’t spoil the ending for you, but it was brutal. When the movie was over, I sobbed for at least 10 minutes. I think it was actually longer.
All these thoughts about love and relationships have already been floating in my head and this movie just pushed me over the edge. I dug deep within myself and all I could see was Reese Witherspoon telling Patrick Dempsey, “I gave my heart away a long time ago and I never really got it back.” (Yes, that’s from “Sweet Home Alabama;” further proof that movies and books have ruined me.)
It’s true.
I gave my heart away and I never got it back.
I never saw it coming. Probably too involved in my various other crushes to notice he had snuck into my heart. I was completely in love by the time I even realized I liked him more than just a friend. Others saw it before I did. He was my best friend. And when he started to pull away, that’s when I knew just how much I loved him.
When my heart was broken, I kept telling myself that we were meant to be. The signs were there. How could he not see them? They pointed to our being together. He was my soul mate. The strength I needed. The laughter when I thought all hope was gone. He was always there, so I never understood why he didn’t love me.
We grew apart.
We’ve grown apart.
Still in each other’s lives, but not really a part of them.
I look at him and think I don’t know him. Not like I used to. He’s not the boy I knew and loved.
I don’t think he knows me anymore. And I know I’m not the girl he knew. I stopped being her a long time ago.
So the question remains. Do I still think we’re meant to be together? Is that why I’ve closed myself off and don’t let anyone in? Do I believe he will wake up one day and realize he loves me, always has and finally, we will be together?
Or do I just live in a fantasy land?
It’s been 16 years. It’s time to let go. To let him go.
Maybe in another life, the boy and girl will finally connect.
But it’s clear, it’s not this life.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Damaged
My obsession with The Hunger Games trilogy has me thinking a lot about my past relationships, my past loves and any possibility of future love. It's a well known fact that I've been ruined by books and movies in terms of my expectations of men and love. Will I ever find my Mr. Darcy? My Laurie? My Noah? And now, we add Peeta and Gale to the list...
Of course, it would also mean that I'd have to be their Elizabeth, Jo, Allie or Katniss.
My thoughts are jumbled, thinking about past loves and wondering if any ever really meant anything and if it still means something. Have I just completely closed myself off and if so, why?
It's hit me like a ton of bricks that I've only ever been in love once and it was such a pure and innocent love...a love with no passion or heat, can it even count? I never felt his touch, his warmth against my skin bringing me to life. And yet, I realize that to this day I cannot let go. I cannot let go of him. I am not in love with him anymore, but still, he remains. A constant reminder of the girl I once was, the girl he never loved. And maybe that's why. Maybe that's why I cannot let go. The pain so big I can never bring myself to really let anyone in. To open myself up. To open my heart to someone else, to the possibility.
Of course, it would also mean that I'd have to be their Elizabeth, Jo, Allie or Katniss.
My thoughts are jumbled, thinking about past loves and wondering if any ever really meant anything and if it still means something. Have I just completely closed myself off and if so, why?
It's hit me like a ton of bricks that I've only ever been in love once and it was such a pure and innocent love...a love with no passion or heat, can it even count? I never felt his touch, his warmth against my skin bringing me to life. And yet, I realize that to this day I cannot let go. I cannot let go of him. I am not in love with him anymore, but still, he remains. A constant reminder of the girl I once was, the girl he never loved. And maybe that's why. Maybe that's why I cannot let go. The pain so big I can never bring myself to really let anyone in. To open myself up. To open my heart to someone else, to the possibility.
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