Internet en la casa

I have internet at home again. YAY!!

I finally caved in and resubscribed, but only because I didn't need to get a house phone to do it. :D

Of course, it wasn't as easy as I hoped since they kept sending out stupid techs, but they finally sent one that actually knew what he was doing. I think they sensed on my last call that I was on the verge of saying FU and cancelling everything. I was so grateful with the last tech I would have done him right then and there if it hadn't been that time of the month.

Now I'm on my laptop even more and my iTouch. I'm fighting with my mother more over the use of my iTouch since she's addicted to the Butterfly version of Bejeweled. Why did I ever show her that game??? She won't even use my sister's iTouch because it doesn't have the buttlerfly game.

I've re-signed up for Netflix (but used a different e-mail address to get the month free trial) instant video, but I'm kinda disappointed it. It has a lot of tv shows, but not a lot of movies I actually want to see. :(

Turns out with my Amazon Prime, I also get Amazon instant video for free on some movies. Sadly, they're almost the exact same ones as Netflix. :(

I've been on an iTunes frenzy...apps and music. Gotta watch that too.

And I am finally updating my Flckr. It had been a long time since I really uploaded photos instead of just randomly here and there.

And yet, life seems so blah lately. I gotta get myself out of this. It doesn't do him any good for me to be like this and it definitely doesn't do me any good. I have to focus on the hope and love. I have a year to get ready and there's lots to do.

Back in the Day Family Photos

Back in the Day Family, a set on Flickr.

I was inspired from a conversation last night at Thanksgiving dinner with the family, so I went through my archives and uploaded a bunch of family photos from back in the day. This is, of course, not all the photos I have.

Plus, I need to re-scan some from my grandmothers albums and there are still two families I need to hit up for older albums.

Happy Birthday my love

I am so proud of you.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I carry you with me every single day; willing you to come back to me. Thoughts of you - your face, your voice - flit through my mind throughout the day. I close my eyes and can see you; imagine how the touch of your fingers feel against my skin, the feel of your lips on mine.

I close my eyes and I can feel your arms around me, engulfing me in your warmth and love. I close my eyes and you are here.

I long for the day when I can speak to you again...when I can see you again.

I promise to remain strong. To remain faithful to you, to our love.

Missing him

I am currently reading a book in which the main character's husband is killed by a drunk driver at the beginning so the book is all about her grief process. It doesn't make sense and it's not the same thing; I feel stupid even thinking this, but as I read I can relate to some of the things she is going through and feels and I feel like I am grieving for the loss of him.

If he had died or if we had "broken" up, it would be easier.

Instead I'm stuck in limbo hell without any sense of what's going on or what's going to happen.

I know it's completely irrational, but yet I am angry, sad, heartbroken and completely lost. I feel abandoned; left-behind. Promises broken. Dreams shattered. Life at a standstill.

I know that in the long run, it will be better for us, but right now, right now all I want is him here with me...I want to be with him...I want to hear his voice...I want to hear him say he loves me. I just want to know he's OK...that we're OK.

It's been two months. For the last two months I have not heard from him or about him. I don't know where he is, when I'll hear from him. Nothing. And it's killing me.

I am so selfish. Why couldn't he wait two weeks? Why couldn't he wait until we saw each other? until we were together?

I want him here. I need him. I love him and my life in incomplete without him.



Please come back. Please come back to me soon.

Pitch Perfect - The Rif-Off

Watched the movie on Friday. Ordered the soundtrack when I got home. Received it today at work. Had it on repeat all day long.

Sleepless nights

I have not slept well for the last 5 weeks. I lie in bed awake for hours. When I finally get to sleep, I'm restless. I wake up several times a night.

It's catching up to me. I can't focus at work and I get so sleepy during the day. I think this time I really do need a case of 5-hour energy, grape flavor is preferred, but I'll also take berry. Orange flavor doesn't work for me.

My life is in limbo right now. I don't know what is going to happen, what I am supposed to do. I have thrown myself back into a life I had already closed the book on. I was supposed to move on, move forward. Now I have moved backward. I am stuck.

Not only am I stuck, I am stuck with no answers. If I had answers then I would know, I would be able to make decisions and know what to do next.

I Won't Give Up

I am not going to NC after all.

A situation arose.

I am not ready to talk about it.

I still love him.

I have faith in our love.

We just need time to work through this new obstacle to our love.

I believe in him.

I believe in us.

Two Weeks

In two weeks I will be on my third day with him. We will be in NC for our first visit together as a couple. I cannot wait! I am so excited!

I know the hardest part will be leaving him. I know I won't want to let him go. :(

He sent me the most beautiful e-mail on my birthday, professing his love and desires for our future. I truly am the luckiest girl in the world.

I am anxious for our life together to begin. We don't have a timeline, yet, though. We're still waiting because we don't know where he's going to relocate for work yet. Each day without him gets harder and harder. He wants me to remain engaged in my life here, but to me it's a world I am no longer a part of; a life no longer mine. Very little has meaning to me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not turning my back on my friends...but work and even my activities are just a drag now. More than half the time I sit there wondering what I am even doing there. I've cut back quite a bit on my activities, taking my name off events and working only those I had already started.

I have to admit, though, while it was nice not to be engaged in my activities for two months (no e-mails, no dealing with stupidity), I almost dropped the ball big time and effed up a big event that would have disappointed kids more than myself. Thankfully, some friends helped me and saved my ass big time. So now I'm just trying to tie up the last few things and not take on anything else.

I have never been this happy and I can't wait for our adventure to begin. <3