Cinco de Mayo

Uni took yesterday off and we decided to hit Century City for a double feature of X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - a double dose of deliciously hot men; any girls dream. ;)

Since it was Cinco de Mayo, I thought it appropriate for us to have lunch at Pink Taco. I'd been there once before, but this was Uni's first time. They had $6 margaritas ALL DAY and other beer specials for Cinco de Mayo. As it was still early in the day and we were going to be there all day watching two movies, we indulged in the margarita special. =)

First Round of the Cazadores Margaritas

Uni taking video of me taking a picture of her taking a video of me. (LOL)

Fried ice cream for dessert and my third margarita. Yes, you read correctly, my THIRD! (I'm emotionally unstable right now, or so they say, so I can have 3 margaritas in the middle of the day on a Tuesday, OK?!?!)

The food was great, the service was excellent. Our waiter was very attentive and took great care of us. The managers even came by our table and checked in and chatted with us. One of them even comped Uni's 2nd margarita and my 3rd. That's all we had - Uni had 2 and I had 3. Our waiter tried to get me to a 4th, but I don't even know how I got to the 3rd, by the 2nd I was getting loopy.

We finally stumbled ;p over to the other side of the mall and got our tickets for the Wolverine. I got a large Coke to offset the effects of the margaritas, but it wasn't working. As we sat and watched the onscreen advertising, I was getting sleepy. So was Uni. Thankfully, once Hugh Jackman appeared onscreen, I was wide awake. :D

I really enjoyed the movie. I know it received a lot of bad reviews and some of my friends didn't like it, but both Uni and I did. From the other three X-Men movies, I knew certain events were going to take place or not, but that's OK. I'm excited that Fox announced plans to do another spin-off with Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool.

Ryan Reynolds is also very yummy. Oh, and I love me some Agent Zero...mmmm. Wolverine was not lacking in the eye candy, making it a perfect pick for a chick flick double feature. I suppose I should throw in Taylor Kitsch for Anners, or as he will forever be known to her Tim Riggins. He was OK too. ;p

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was playing in the screen next door and we successfully crossed over without tickets, but as we sat there watching trailers, I couldn't do it. When I went out to get concessions, I ran downstairs and bought two tickets. The ticket taker was perplexed when I handed her two tickets, but it was just me, so I explained that we'd been upstairs at another movie and decided to stay for Ghosts. I know, I'm a dork.

Matthew McConaughey was in true form, although, looking a little ragged. I tried to rationalize that they did that on purpose for his character, but really, he needs to stay away from all the sun exposure. I had fun watching the movie. Not completely sure it wasn't due in part to the three margaritas I'd had earlier; I might still have been under their effects, but still...it's McConaughey, how can you go wrong? "alright, alright" hee hee hee

I've never been a real big fan of Jennifer Garner, but she was OK. I personally think she's a little manly. Uni agrees. If you ever watch Catch and Release, you'll see what I mean, especially at the end.

After the movies, we intended on getting some coffee at Starbuck's, but ended up going to Pampas Grill in Culver City and having even more yummy food as we talked and talked. Then we walked down to Famima and I got my first bottle of Sake. It's sitting in the fridge right now. I haven't opened it yet. Maybe tomorrow, or Thursday.

All in all, it was a great day spent out of the house. And even though my sleep schedule the last couple of days have been somewhat normal, as you can tell by the post time of this blog and the last one, my pattern goes off-kilter very easily.

Switch Hitters 2009 & WeHo Adventures

I made a status update on Facebook about going to some of the clubs in West Hollywood and one of my friends e-mailed me asking about my WeHo adventures, so instead of rewriting it, I just hit copy & paste. Any additions to the original e-mail will be in italicized in parentheses. And of course, the pics were not in the e-mail. Please note the pics are from my cell phone because I apparently forgot to charge the battery to my camera, even though, I could've sworn I did. :(

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My friend's on a softball team in a gay league and on Saturday they had a fundraiser, Switch Hitters, which is a drag show. Members from each team put on a 4 minute act and there's a panel of "celebrity" judges.

I wasn't going to go, but Mari said she wanted to go and after getting the tix and everything, she flaked. I felt bad so I went anyway. (I hadn't told Mari about the event because it was on a Saturday and she'd be back in Palmdale, but he mentioned it to her at the dinner the week before. When she said she wanted to go, I asked her repeatedly if she was sure. She said yes. The day before the event, when I called to confirm, she'd forgotten all about it. When she said she wanted to go, she forgot it was her anniversary weekend. Originally I wasn't going to go because I didn't want to go alone, but now, after he'd gotten the tix for us and was expecting us there, I didn't want to disappoint so I took the bus there.)

It was fun. A lot of good acts. My friend's team swept the competition - 1st Place, Audience Favorite and Highest Attendance. (Truthfully, I thought another team did an amazing job with Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" and thought for sure they were going to win. They didn't even place in the top 3. I was shocked.)





I also saw a former coworker that was there with his team. The weirdest thing was seeing one of my high school teachers. I didn't have him for one specific class. I think he was on another track, but he would substitute for us all the time. I so wanted to go up to him, but since I didn't actually have him for a class, it's not like I was one of his students.


(He's the little man in the back, not in drag. I know, not a good photo...oh well.)

I had every intention of going home after the show, but my friend asked me if I wanted to go with him to meet his teammates at Fiesta Cantina. His bf wasn't going because he had a bday dinner in Pasadena to go to, so I said sure.

After the show and the winners were announced, we were hanging around talking outside on the balcony. Got to meet some of his friends and what's the first thing he tells all of them - that I worked in gay porn. Everywhere we went that night, first thing out of his mouth when he introduced me was that I worked in gay porn. I made some fast friends. ;)

(Lady Gaga was there too....NOT. Just someone dressed like her. Not the only one either.)


After dinner we finally headed over to Fiesta Cantina. Man that place was packed; men, women, gay, straight, in drag and not. It was hot in there too. I was sweating...ick. (We had dinner at the French Market Place on Santa Monica Blvd. I like that place. I had the roast and he had half a tuna sandwich with a side of fruit.)

So, the bathroom situation there. There were two bathrooms - men and unisex. The men's bathroom was small and the door was wide open. The unisex bathroom was a single. You had to wait in line against the wall for the unisex bathroom and the wall was directly across from the men's bathroom. You could see directly into the men's bathroom the farther away from the unisex bathroom you were. I had a clear view of the first toilet, not urinal, toilet, and whoever was using it. Obviously, just the back views. I was tempted to discreetly take a pic with my cameraphone of my friend's teammate in drag as he peed, but I didn't. After waiting forever and day, I finally got into the unisex bathroom.

We were at Fiesta Cantina the longest. I had a conversation with one of his teammates about boob sweat. He'd been in the show and was complaining about wearing a bra and boob sweat and wearing a skirt, though that was ok because it offered easy access, but no protection as you walked around. He thanked the lord he was not a woman, mostly because of the boob sweat. I had another conversation with another guy about the Bel Ami boys as he's into the twinks and I just had to tell him about meeting Lukas Ridgestone. And then yet another conversation with another guy about urethral sounds (don't ask). They mainly wanted to know about my experiences and who I had met. Also, they wanted me to point out anyone I remembered. I was looking, believe me I was looking, but alas, no one caught my attention.

We walked down Santa Monica Blvd towards Robertson and walked by Trunks and the infamous Rage, which looked kinda tame. It was still early though. Went to The Abbey and it just looks like any other restaurant, though darker. My friend told me about seeing Britney Spears there. We walked around and then left.

We went to Motherlode, which is the oldest gay bar there, established in 1979 as it says above the door. That place was more laid back. We ran into a guy my friend dated a few years ago. He was there with another guy, which I talked to while my friend talked to his ex. My guy actually knew where SG was because his grandparents lived there before moving to a neighboring city and he still has an uncle there, but couldn't tell me which part of SG he lives in because he hasn't been back there in years. He and his uncle meet once a month in Chinatown because they love Chinese food and it's a halfway point. My friend and I then went to the back bar to get drinks. As we walked back there, he tried to remember the bartender's name, whom he also dated a few years ago. He remembered, and the bartender hooked us up with this amazing shot he created using Absolut Pear vodka and something else because the shot was red. It was so yummy!!! Couldn't even taste the alcohol. He had already served me my Midori sour when he served us the shots to take together, and then I pretty much gulped down my Midori sour and then he recommended adding vodka to the Midori sour to give it that extra punch without all the sweetness, so I ordered it. Woooooooooo...

It took me longer to drink the third drink, but it definitely had a kick so I got loopy right away. My friend and I stood at the bar looking around, listening to the music and talking. We had had an earlier discussion about our "numbers," well mostly his. He came out 5 years ago and since then he's been with 50 guys. But he's also been with women. He had sex with a chick like 5 or 6 months ago, so there's another 20 women added to his number for a total of 70 sexual partners. DAMN!

He had told me about the women the last time we had dinner. When he said it, I was like, "so you're bi?" Kinda. With women, it's just sex and he's usually drunk. I teased that he's straight when he's drunk. Like I said, just sex. No calling in the morning, no dating. It's just someone he hooks up with when he's drunk and at the clubs. Well, since he's come out. Before he came out, he had been in serious relationships with women. But not since. He finds women hot, but knows he's gay. Though, he can't stand the effeminate gays. I call him a butch gay.

He had a race in the morning, so the evening ended early. At 10pm, we left Motherlode and walked back up Santa Monica Blvd to the car. We walked by some sex shops and saw posters of Johnny Hazzard and I regaled him with my story of meeting him and getting his autograph, but he didn't know who he was. We also walked by a gallery of sorts that had Tom of Finland photographs on display and I was like, "cool," cuz I remembered.

We also walked by this place that sold only milkshakes, all different varieties, but he wouldn't let me stop, so I have to go back. (Uni - you, me and some milkshakes, huh?)

And thus, my adventures in WeHo come to an end....for now. ;)

Up all night reading

OK, well, that's not exactly true.

My schedule has been topsy-turvy for the past couple of weeks, so I was up all night last night because that's normal for me right now.

I went to bed around 5am, and after playing on my cell phone for a while, I still was not sleepy. When I was blogging early this morning, I noticed I didn't read any books in April, even though I was almost positive the last book I'd read had spilled over into April. Then again, that could have been February to March.

As this thought loomed in my brain, I turned over and saw a book lying next to me that I had intended to start reading a few days ago, ok, a few weeks ago. It was around 6am when I picked it up and I finished reading it at 12:50pm. I thought I'd eventually get sleepy and doze off, but no, I kept reading and reading until I finished the book.

As I read the first few chapters, there was this nagging feeling; a slight twinge of deja-vu. And it kept bugging me through the entire book. It's still bugging me. There was something very familiar with the opening chapters, not only that I've read them before, but that I knew very well; had seen those scenes being played out, maybe in a movie...I don't know.

I've racked my brain trying to think of what it is.

• Did I already read the book? No, I just bought it a few weeks ago and with a title like Seeing Me Naked, I would have remembered that, especially since it was just published in 2008. Surely I could not forget reading a book so quickly.
• Was it a movie or something? Again, the book was published in 2008, so it's doubtful it was already made into a movie, even a made-for-tv movie.

I just don't get it. Why does this nagging persist?

Regardless, I enjoyed the book. And no, get your minds out of the gutter. I know what you're thinking...the book's title is Seeing Me Naked so it must be about sex. Well, it's not. It's about letting your true self be seen, letting your guard down and being open and honest.

Oh, yeah, it was written by Liza Palmer.

The gang's all here...

Let's face it, the old gang is never going to get back together.

So I did the next best thing....hee hee hee

Remember, I'm not a whiz with Photoshop. I just cut and pasted the faces from the most recent photos I have of Drew and Maricela, which aren't very recent to begin with. Thankfully Clos and Jose's wife were perfect fill-ins.

Our 13-year reunion.


(Can you tell I have way too much time on my hands?)

P.S. I posted the pic on facebook and Drew commented that I must really be bored. duh.

M & Clos engagement dinner

Uploaded some photos from M & Clos' engagement dinner at the Yard House @ LA Live onto my Facebook account.

They're accessible through the following link, whether or not you have an account.

M & Clos engagement dinner album

Of course, the album does not contain all the photos taken, just a smattering of them. :D

In many ways, the dinner was a mini-reunion on two counts.

Clos was reunited with old work friends.


And old high school classmates got to see each other after many many years.


A month ago I was reunited with my long lost high school friend. After 9 years it's been easy to fall back into an easy friendship with him. Mari heard me on the phone with him and was surprised with how comfortable we sound with one another. Truthfully, in the two times we hung out prior to this dinner, we revealed a lot of personal information. It's a very easy thing to do with him. I know a little too much, I think, but I keep getting reminded that I worked in gay porn so all of this shouldn't be a big deal.

I was very happy that Jose and his wife were able to make it to the dinner. I was a little concerned because he kept asking if Drew would be there, so I thought his attendance might be tied with Drew's; luckily it wasn't. The last time I saw Jose was at his wedding. M had gone to visit them after their first daughter was born in 2003, but neither of them remember that (geez people, what's up with the memory loss?). Either way, it had been a long time for all of us. Jose and I have kept in touch via the occasional e-mail and his wife has a blog, so I get to see photos of his beautiful girls and stay up to date on the goings-on. :)

I didn't get to talk to Jose very much because I ended up at the opposite end of the table. There were 13 of us, down from the original list of 25 guests. Those of us at the dinner were pretty much equally divided between M & Clos. As Uni put it, I bridged the gap between the two sides since I knew everyone there.

I hope everyone had a good time. I always stress more than I probably should. Thankfully the two cherry limeades (yes, an alcohol drink), beer float, and three shots of Patron helped ease my stress. (N would've been proud.)

All in all, it was a good night with good drinks, good food and good people. As Uni also said, it was a night I needed. :D

Of course, the night wasn't about me, but still.... ;)

60% girly

According to this Facebook quiz, I am only 60% girly, so there! ;p LOL!


60%


You are 60% girly! You are the type most people like, you are girly, but not annoying or pretending to be cute. You are well balanced on studying and sports. Keep your habits!

Yard House @ LA Live - 4.24.2009

Needy is my middle name

I know the following statement is completely selfish, but I can't help it, it's just how I feel right now.

It's during times like these that I wish most I had a boyfriend, spouse, partner, lover, whatever; someone to lean on and go to for support. I know I've whined about this before, but it really is true. We all have such hectic lives, our own problems to contend with, so who are we going to turn to when we're in need, whether it's just a need to vent, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to bails us out? Obviously, a significant other. It makes the most sense.

So what happens when you don't have one? Who do you turn to?

I'm floundering right now. I trying to get myself out of this funk, but can't find the motivation.

It was my choice. I know that. I don't regret it. But in situations like these, you can't help second-guessing yourself, questioning everything, even believing some of the lies.

And everything is so complicated. It doesn't just affect me. So I have to watch what I say and to whom I say it. I can't truly vent; let out my frustrations and anguish.

It's amazing how some people don't really know you; like people you spend every day with at work for a year, and they don't know a thing about you. But then people you haven't seen or been in contact for years, a decade, know and understand you so well.

I was chatting online earlier with an old college friend. We've chatted a couple of times in the last few months because of Facebook; nothing deep or intense, just a hello here and there. I haven't seen him since college and we didn't really stay in touch. He asked me about work and for a moment I thought about lying, but ended up telling him the truth. I was able to talk to him about it and boy did it feel good.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not disregarding any conversation I've had with friends about this. They've been very needed and appreciated, but there's a connection to the situation with them; they're involved in this. He has absolutely no ties to anyone or anything involved. No judgment. A fresh perspective.

And when we chatted about what was happening and his current situation, there was such an understanding between us; it was great. And even though I kept writing that how could he be so sure about me, all he wrote was "stop." The years might have passed without us being in each others lives, but he had faith that the fundamentals of who I was back then and who I am now are the same.

I am me. No matter what, I am me. I will always be me.

Sometimes I just need someone to remind me of that fact. To be my champion. No matter what.

I have amazing friends, but they all have their own lives, their own priorities.

It's amazing how many days my cell phone goes without ringing and if it weren't for the text messages from Facebook, it probably wouldn't make a peep.

I find myself in a very needy place right now. A place without motivation. And I'm terrified, freaked out by the unknown and not sure of myself. I seek out comfort where I can, whether or not it's good for me. But, yet, I can't bring myself to really do anything.

I know I share blame in this as well. I keep myself well guarded, or at least I try. If I don't want to talk about it, I don't. I can put on the act of "I'm just taking a breather, nothing to worry about" and it's not like I'm in any hurry to get back into the grind of it all and possibly back into yet another workplace drama.

What happens when an independent person that normally does not need saving, finally needs saving? Who's there to help her pick up the pieces and put it all back together?

Newborn nephew

My cousin gave birth (via c-section) to my newest nephew.

Born at 11:37am on Tues, April 14, 2009
7 lbs 11 oz
19 in

The bottom

It's funny how quickly one's world comes crashing down. One minute you are the shit, and the next, well, you're just shit.

I never had illusions of grandeur. I always knew I was replaceable.

Sometimes it really is hard to face that truth, though.

The world is full of shitty people. And I guess my fault lies in not accepting that truth; in not shrugging my shoulders and saying, "oh well, that's life," but in expecting and demanding better.

I think, though, I have enough confidence in myself and good people around me that have been truly AMAZING through all of this. Life if crappy right now, but, not to sound so cliche, I will survive. I will get through this and be the better for it.

Sometimes it takes things like this to happen to really appreciate what you do have and be thankful for the support and love of so many.

I'm lucky. I'm still young enough, early enough in my career to be able to walk away from a bad situation and find my own way.

I'm scared. I'm freaking out about what to do next, but if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I would have quit my job last year and taken this job, and I would have walked away from this job again if circumstances had been the same.

OK, maybe I would have changed a couple of things: I wouldn't have second-guessed myself, I would have followed my instincts and never allowed myself to be forced to hire someone I knew wasn't going to work out. I wouldn't have let them play with my head the way they did and would have had more faith in my own abilities.

I am great at what I do for one simple reason - it's all I've ever done. I started my career at the very bottom and worked my way up, so I know and understand this side of the business so very well. Others may not think I was ready or mature enough for this position, but to hell with them. Look at everything I accomplished. I did a GREAT job! No matter what anyone says, I built that and I will be proud of it for the rest of my life, even though I didn't get to finish it, but the framework is all me.

So, things are bad right now, but they'll get better. I have faith. And that's all I really need because I'm still me and no one can take that from me. I'm not afraid to start at the bottom again. And I won't have to step on anyone to get back to the top.

I am a force to be reckoned with. I will not be defeated.

Hear me ROAR, I AM WOMAN!